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Young Writers Society



The Lost Dragon Chapter 8.2 (LMS VI)

by soundofmind


Chapter: Into the Fire

Slowly, James lowered the binoculars as an idea came to him.

He began to slow Elliot down to a walking pace, carefully approaching the herd from the side. They were quietly grazing atop the hill, seemingly uninterested in him and his horse.

That was, until he came within a few yards of them. The lead stallion was the first horse to take notice, lifting its head to look at him more directly. James could see the stallion already beginning to challenge Elliot, giving wary looks towards James.

James lifted his binoculars once more, this time to quickly glance over his shoulder.

Still no bounty hunter.

Looking back towards the herd, he slowly pulled out his gun.

"I'm not looking to hurt you," James said under his breath, watching the stallion step out from the group.

"I just want to--"

Bang!

He shot a bullet at the stallion's feet, and it was enough to send it rearing. The noise echoed off the side of the hill and sent the other horses scattering in a near-immediate panic. The stallion started to round up his herd, and they all began to dart down the hill.

"Hyah!" James shouted as Elliot ran after them in pursuit.

Trailing behind them, he clipped his gun back in its holster and he reached for the whip wrapped around the horn of his saddle. Fortunately, he'd learned a few things about rounding up animals the last few months - so he rode up behind them with confidence.

With a crack of his whip, he spooked the herd in two directions.

He followed after the group lacking the stallion, and cracking his whip again, keeping them from turning back around to the others.

This, he could use.

The mess of hoofprints would muddy the tracks, making it harder for the bounty hunter to follow.

He tried to split the group even further.

Singling out the most jittery horse, James cracked the whip at its feet, and it jolted away. He cracked it again, and the horse broke away from the group, running off on its own - at least, for a time.

James hoped that'd be enough to confuse the bounty hunter and buy James some time.

He continued to follow the broken half of the herd, driving them further away even after he couldn't see the other horses behind him anymore. Eventually, he let up and the herd made some distance from him, but he let them trail on ahead, merely following behind in their tracks, letting Elliot's converge with theirs.

Eventually, he found that the herd had led him back to the stream. In the distance, he could see they'd settled up ahead by a bloom of bushes, happy to be away from him. But just beyond them, he could see a large desert canopy: a tree thats winding trunk hung close to the ground before reaching up and out like a parasol, lending its wide brim of shade to the edge of the stream.

There, he decided, he would wait for his inevitable confrontation.

He rode around the herd, giving them some distance as he found his way to the tree. There, he tied off Elliot, giving him a long lead so he could graze comfortably by the water.

James, meanwhile, scanned the area.

They were in a valley, and the stream slithered right through it. The grass was taller down here, coming up to his waist in most areas.

He let his fingertips brush the tips of the blades of grass. Most of them were feathered, full of soft tufts carrying seeds that dispersed if you rubbed them between your fingers and let the wind carry them away. Some of them were sharper, more like sticks than they were grass. Together, they seemed to compensate for each other, and both were so close in tones of light yellow and brown that you could barely tell the difference.

His calluses caught on one of the spindly blades, and he snapped his fingers around it, breaking off the edge.

Overhead, the sun was starting to set. It drifted down until it touched the cusp of the hills ahead of him, and he watched for a moment as the sky began to shift from a pale blue sky to a brilliant gradient of pink, orange, and yellow, with hints of periwinkle where the pink and blue met.

Below, maybe 100 feet down the stream, the herd of horses began to settle. Some of them sat down by the water, others dipped in to swim in it and cool off.

The air was getting cooler, but James could still feel the layer of sweat on his skin.

Time was running short.

With a deep breath, he inched his way back into the thick grass and knelt down, letting the grass swallow him up.

He pulled out his gun at his hip, checking how many bullets he had left.

Five. He wondered if he'd even get a chance to use more than one, but it was better not to wonder.

He took off his hat and set it in the grass beside him and lifted up his binoculars, peering out from the grass, just enough to see if anyone was coming. He stayed very, very still. And he waited.

The sun was a glowing half-circle on the horizon when James saw a small shadow emerge from it in the distance. Gradually, it got larger and finally descended down the hill and out of the blinding light. Peering through his binoculars, he was able to make out what it was.

The bounty hunter had found him.

Now, technically, James's life wasn't immediately in danger - but there was a problem with being wanted alive and not dead. There were plenty of states between alive and dead that could be considered alive and still full of great pain and suffering.

But this was always something James had leveraged. Because he was worthless dead, every bounty hunter had always used restraint. They'd had to be more creative in their strategies to capture and subdue him.

So what did he know about this man?

He was patient and skilled enough to parse out which trail was really James's. But he was persistent enough to push himself and his horse until nightfall to catch up to him.

The dark horse and the tall rider were distinguishable, even from their distance. James estimated they were about 200ft away, but he knew he couldn't make a shot like that. Not anymore. Not without a scope. Not ever since his eyesight had begun to deteriorate.

The only thing he'd accomplish if he tried to shoot the rider now was giving away his position, and that was the only thing he had to his advantage.

The grass was his cover. The man knew James was here because of Elliot, but he didn't know where James was in the grass.

James lifted his gun and held it steady, waiting for the man to draw closer.

The bounty hunter was within 100 feet. He rode up beside the herd, noticing the wild horses regarded him warily. The bounty hunter scanned the herd before his eyes landed on Elliot, tied to the tree further down.

The bounty hunter seemed to assume James was nowhere near Elliot. He was right.

The bounty hunter continued to ride forward slowly, gradually coming clearer in view.

Now he was less than 40 feet away.

James remained perfectly still, aware that if the man rode in his direction, he was likely to see down into the grass and find James before James got a chance to shoot.

And then the bounty hunter stopped. The horse let out a tired huff through its nostrils, and the man patted its neck, muttering something James couldn't hear. But he noticed that the man smiled.

There was something unnerving about how the man grinned and looked out into the field with wide eyes. He seemed to be breathing heavily but the expression on his face was wound tight. His smile didn't reach his eyes, and something about his careful, deliberate movements made it seem he was moments away from doing something unpredictable.

James found himself thankful for his slightly-below average height that made it easier to hide in the grass.

The sun was beginning to disappear. There had maybe fifteen minutes of dim daylight left before they were all plunged into darkness.

If only the man could've waited fifteen minutes.

"I know you're out there," the man called out. Taunting him.

"What," the man went on. "Too afraid to make the first move?"

James knew he could take the bait and make a shot, but he still didn't know if he could make the shot.

Then again, he definitely wouldn't be able to make the shot if it was too dark. Well. At least, not dependably.

A long pause passed as James stared at the man in silence, willing him to inch even just ten feet closer. The man didn't move. He sat comfortably atop his horse, grin unwavering.

"I know you've gained quite the reputation, Tiberius Hemming," the man began to say.

James had grown to hate that name. It was grating on his ears every time he heard it since he'd become a wanted man.

"Former soldier-turned-traitor becomes the most wanted man in all of Nye," the man went on. "Leaves every hunter who's ever gone after him in the dust, or worse. You probably think you're invincible. You've made it this far. What else do you have going for you but to keep running? That's all you have left, now, isn't it?"

James considered cutting off the man's obnoxious monologue short with a gunshot. Perhaps that's what the man wanted.

But the standoff couldn't last forever.

"A shame," the man said. "A life spent running... well, that's hardly a life at all. It's a wonder you're worth so much in gold. At this point, I think they only want you caught just to prove that you can be."

At this point, James had gained enough information to confirm that his man was sent on behalf of the kingdom. Bounty hunters didn't have a habit of speaking on behalf of the Moonlight Kingdom and bounty hunters with no emotional stakes in capturing him didn't waste their time taunting him.

Was this better than just fighting? It was debatable. Where did the kingdom even find this guy?

"Infamous Moonlight Kingdom criminal, caught in the guise of a lowly cowboy. Delivered to the kingdom by the king's own hunter, Alexander Kingsman, and slaughtered for all to see. So that everyone will learn that no crimes go without punishment. How's that sound?"

And he confirmed it. He was working with the kingdom.

That was all he wanted to know.

Alexander kept talking, but James had stopped listening.

The golden light of the fading sunset cast dark shadows over the hillside. It cast Alexander's face in shadow, but his silhouette was clear.

Finally, Alexander began to ride closer.

This was his chance.

Bang!


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Fri Mar 10, 2023 6:44 am
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Liminality wrote a review...



Hi again sound!

General Impressions

Ooh we finally have a confrontation between James and the guy hunting him. I felt bad for the horses in the first part of the chapter D: but that scene does show James’ drive/ desperation to escape. Alexander comes across as being scary at first when he’s “grinning” but a lot of his dramatic monologue and James’ mental comments on it kind of tickled me, so that balances it out xD Alexander does come across as a theatrical sort of antagonist.
As for James, this line makes me wonder if there’s a story behind his eyesight issues:

Not ever since his eyesight had begun to deteriorate.

The way it’s phrased and the place it is in in the chapter makes it seem kind of important, anyhow.

Glows – What I liked

I like how the general set-up of the scene is done, because it helps to build the tension of a shoot-off/ confrontation. James scaring away the horses felt pretty believable (though I’m not super familiar with horses in real life), because of details like:
Singling out the most jittery horse, James cracked the whip at its feet, and it jolted away.

I like that this thought describes a specific intention he had, which was to send a horse running really far off as a distraction. It makes him look like he knows what he’s doing, and that conveys the gravity of the scene to me.

The man knew James was here because of Elliot, but he didn't know where James was in the grass.

The set-up of him being in the grass was also neat. It shows James’ cleverness in knowing to hide there when there was seemingly nowhere to take cover.

Another thing I liked to do with characterisation was this bit:
His smile didn't reach his eyes, and something about his careful, deliberate movements made it seem he was moments away from doing something unpredictable.

This line caught my interest, because it made me think ‘hmm, that’s no ordinary bounty hunter’. I’d expect a bounty hunter just focusing on the kill would be more serious and dynamic, looking around for James, but this slowing down and focusing on Alexander’s expression tells me there’s something else going on there, and indeed there is. It also shows a contrast between Alexander’s personality and James’ personality – James is hardly a smiley person, even if Alexander’s smile is a little ‘fake’ here as well.

Grows – Ideas to consider

I’m not sure what the paragraph describing the grass was doing there. I get that there’s a need to show the grass is thick because James is then able to hide in it, but there seems to be more to it than that? For example, I’m not sure why James does this:
His calluses caught on one of the spindly blades, and he snapped his fingers around it, breaking off the edge.

Or why he thinks this:
Some of them were sharper, more like sticks than they were grass. Together, they seemed to compensate for each other, and both were so close in tones of light yellow and brown that you could barely tell the difference.

Is it supposed to be a metaphor? Or am I missing something here? ^^’

Also, in some ways, this paragraph came across as being more purely scenic, with long sentences explaining the grass, compared to other setting descriptions in this part. It felt like an odd change of pace for a mostly action-focused scene, when James is trying to figure out how to deal with Alexander. The long sentences slow down the pace even though a few lines later, the narration comments:
Time was running short.

I think having some kind of description of the grass texture could def work in this scene’s favour, only perhaps the tone might need to be altered a bit so that it matches the rest of the chapter.

Additionally, I think James’ thoughts towards the end may not need to ‘explain’ his conclusions as much as they do? It’s not super disruptive, but if you’re looking for places to cut out, I’d suggest:
James knew he could take the bait and make a shot, but he still didn't know if he could make the shot.

Then again, he definitely wouldn't be able to make the shot if it was too dark. Well. At least, not dependably.

^ The “Too afraid” line before this is clearly baiting him, and the lines preceding that already mention the impending darkness.
Bounty hunters didn't have a habit of speaking on behalf of the Moonlight Kingdom and bounty hunters with no emotional stakes in capturing him didn't waste their time taunting him.

^ I thought I could come to this conclusion from Alexander’s previous line, and he also directly mentions the Moonlight Kingdom in a later line of dialogue as well.
Meanwhile, I really liked and think lines like the following should be kept:
Where did the kingdom even find this guy?

^ This is a nice bit of comic relief that doesn’t detract from the scene’s tension too much, and also puts together all James’ thoughts about the guy being from the Moonlight Kingdom and also kind of strange, etc.

Overall

I’m finding the conflict between James and Alexander quite interesting to read about. Alexander seems to be motivated by a desire for personal glory, which is very different from James’ desire for survival. I only really have some revision-phase suggestions at this point: watching the tone and maybe thinking over some of the internal thoughts lines. Otherwise, I enjoyed the standoff and am interested to see what happens next!

Hope this helps – let me know if you’d like more specific feedback!
-Lim




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Tue Feb 28, 2023 4:11 am
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Carina says...



ah yes in this episode we see james dabble his cowboy and closed-range sniper skills




soundofmind says...


just dabbling! for fun



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Sun Feb 26, 2023 6:50 am
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Benji wrote a review...



I just want to say that I thoroughly enjoy how this series has been continuing on and improving in so many ways over time, not just in plot but the way the scenes are structured and how they flow, but one thing that has stood the test of time is your style as a writer, to me your distinctive mark is how visually descriptive your works are, I can't help but visualize each moment as it rolls by like a movie in my head, when time slows down I can feel each beat as it happens, I've read through this series not feeling as an outsider looking in, but as someone who feels like they're there right alongside these characters, when there is action it is almost as if I'm swept up with them all in the heat of the moment, and man this is definitely one of these times lol. The scenes leading up to Alex's altercation feel like the calm before the storm, as James works on his plans you get that nagging sort of feeling that Alex can be right behind him at any moment ready to pounce, really well captured and paced out, again.

James remained perfectly still, aware that if the man rode in his direction, he was likely to see down into the grass and find James before James got a chance to shoot.

And then the bounty hunter stopped. The horse let out a tired huff through its nostrils, and the man patted its neck, muttering something James couldn't hear. But he noticed that the man smiled.

There was something unnerving about how the man grinned and looked out into the field with wide eyes. He seemed to be breathing heavily but the expression on his face was wound tight. His smile didn't reach his eyes, and something about his careful, deliberate movements made it seem he was moments away from doing something unpredictable.


the visual details here are what I anticipate and enjoy when reading these chapters, so much of the observations itself sum up the moment in such flavorful gravitas, and as time stands still in this case it perfectly captures that moment of his entrance, that feeling of intimidation and it drums up more suspense

James found himself thankful for his slightly-below average height that made it easier to hide in the grass.
and these asides never fail to make me chuckle at the situational comedy, please don't change~ LOL

also Alex is so full of himself and chideful in this moment it's a perfect display of pure malice and ego, and I'm here eating it up on a silver platter hahaha, the way he inserts himself into James' path is nothing short of the dramatic, entitled theaterboy impression he gives off, (okay enough of that lol). To end things I want to point out that I applaud your sense of knowing when and where to split up chapters, the way this ends gives me enough tension and suspense, it's always kept that feeling of wanting to "tune in next week!", that sort of feeling I used to have for childhood cartoons is very much here and alive.
All in all, another solid, enjoyable chapter :)





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