Young Writers Society

"I'm dying" became an echoing phrase in her head and she couldn't tell anymore if that was her body telling her what she already felt or if it was Svida.

Clandestine felt her mind fogging up like a mist-covered swamp.

One foot. Two foot. Step by step, until the campfire was merely a foot in front of her, and Svida guided her back down.

"Really not liking how ominous that sounds right now."

She trailed off, and pursed her lips into an uncomfortable almost-smile as she stared into the fire.

She was alone. And lost. Again.

AND HERE I AM AGAIN ARE U SICK OF ME YET???
NO????
WELL THEN LETS GET CEREAL

okay this was one chapter that had me on my tippy-toes the entire time because first of all, that chapter title is EQUISITE, and second, at this point in the story i'm still not sure if what is happening to clanny is real or not. the one thing that stuck out to me was that while we (its a MEEE) are repeatedly being told that svida is dying, something about the way she is making conversation doesn't flow like someone who is metaphorically on their deathbed. now i can ONE HUDRED percent forgive this due to the fact that she is an ancient dragon, but what i can not forgive is the fact that clanny had been back for FIVE YEARS prior to this meeting and it was only now out of the blue at the most coincidental of times that she decides to reveal herself.

at the beginning of the chapter i felt like she was stuck in a game carter was playing with her, but by the end i knew that wasn't possible because there you went playing with my heart strings again no not carter not the bad guy but YOU > : (

now i am going to let it slide because i am hoping that you WANTED the reader to feel the sense of hopelessness that clanny felt in that moment. it's for sure one thing to write a good story that makes everyone feel happy, but what you manage to do is get us emotionally invested so that when the characters hurt, we hurt too. for that, i applaud you. not a lot of writers get the idea that when they want the reader to share the in victories and successes the hero, as in FEEL good about the main character doing good, it's much easier to accomplish when we've shared in the pain and losses of the character first.

how does that saying go? started from the bottom now we here?

that's about the general idea of growing the readers connection (at least emotionally) to the characters, and you, as always, do an amazing job with it.

i think that's all for this chapter i shall C U IN THE NEXT ONE

oh dear veer is outta here

There were a looooooot of feels in this chapter, both happy and sad, ahhhhhh! But I'm back. ;-;

Quick shoutout to your title, first. It's fun to see the lost dragon found! :D

Night fell, and Clandestine stumbled in the dark for hours. She didn't know what was propelling her forward anymore. All she could feel was the mind-numbing need to keep going, or something bad was going to happen. She kept picturing Svida in her head, and her piercing green eyes, and the smoke coming out of her nostrils. "I'm dying" became an echoing phrase in her head and she couldn't tell anymore if that was her body telling her what she already felt or if it was Svida.

It felt like forever until she finally collapsed again, leaning against a dark wall of rock. She couldn't see more than a few feet in front of her. The moon was like a sliver in the sky, barely providing light.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, feeling the cloud of her breath around her nose.

She felt along the rock wall, trying to find a flat place to sit and curl up, but the rocks quickly arched in a decline. Before she knew it, she was sliding down a rock onto her butt. She grunted as she barely caught herself at the bottom of what felt like a crevice.

Something about it felt familiar.

She started climbing and stumbling forward, groping in the dark. It was too late to turn back when she realized she was swallowed by a cave, and the last hint of light was gone.

Creating light was up to her.

"Okay," she shivered. "Light. Fire. Just a little. You can do this."

She took in a deep breath and blew out a puff of fire, burning red and dull, but just enough for her to tell she really was in a tunnel.

Wait. A tunnel.

She'd been here before.

With a renewed sense of focus she pushed herself one last time, scraping against the rocks and sliding forward until she lost her footing and tumbled. Rolling, rolling, rolling, until she hit flat earth, and flopped her arms and legs out, splayed on the cave floor.

The was light. Firelight. It seemed to surround the edges of the cavern and dance on the walls in paintings of yellow, orange, and red. Pulsing like a living being.

And then she saw her. Svida, standing over her, though the vision of her was blurry. Clandestine felt her mind fogging up like a mist-covered swamp. She was slipping.

"You found me," Svida said, with tears in her eyes. She knelt down beside Clandestine, and sat her up, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. Clandestine got a better view of the cavern and the wall of fire dancing around the room, contained somehow among the jagged icicles. Two opposite elements living together, yet apart.

Svida shook her head, and instead reached into the pot over the fire with a ladle, and poured Clandestine a bowl of soup and handed it to her.

"Drink up," Svida said. "You need your strength too."

Clandestine wanted to ask more questions, but her stomach begged, and she relented, slurping up the soup quickly, not caring that she was burning her tongue.

"You're going to be okay," Svida said. "My friend, Mickey. He's the earth dragon. He can help you."

"I don't know who that is!" Clandestine retorted.

"He'll find you. I know it," Svida replied.

"Really not liking how ominous that sounds right now."

Svida sighed. "Look. I really wish things could have played out differently. I tried reaching out years ago, but there was something blocking our connection. It was almost like you were dead, but you weren't. I couldn't find you."

Clandestine's eye twitched, and she let out a nervous laugh. She tapped the soup bowl with her fingers. This was the only time since she'd woken up that her being stuck in the ground had become relevant, and she wasn't sure if she liked the reason.

"Oh. Yeah. I was unconscious for like, 100 years or something." Her voice wavered. "I was kind of uh. Buried in a coffin."

It was Svida's turn to stare.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"That's terrible," Svida said quietly.

Clandestine laughed again, but the laughs were hollow. "Yeah! It's old news, now. I'm okay. Uh..."

She trailed off, and pursed her lips into an uncomfortable almost-smile as she stared into the fire. It was silent for a moment, and Clandestine finished her soup, slurping down the last of the broth. She was tempted to lick the bowl, but she didn't. That felt wrong, even though she was desperate enough to do it. She should just ask for more soup at that point.

Clandestine wasn't even sure what was happening, or what was about to happen. What did that mean? Inherit her magic? Did Svida really mean that? Clandestine had so many questions that began flooding her head, and she couldn't seem to put any of them to words as Svida scooted closer, and leaned forward, grabbing Clandestine's hand and putting her other hand on her forehead.

"You're going to be okay," Svida said slowly. It sounded like she was pushing to get the words out. It almost sounded like Svida was falling asleep. "I'm proud of you. Goodbye."

Clandestine cracked her mouth open to reply but was stopped short when a rush of energy hit her like a wall. In an instant, it was like life had been breathed back into her tenfold, and she was warm again. Her heart was a raging flame. Her hands were burning coals. Her throat like a fiery furnace - and it all felt right. Her hunger faded into a mild ache and, as if a great wind had come, the fog around her mind cleared away. Bursts of light danced across her vision in a way she couldn't quite describe.

Clandestine found herself smiling, and she took in a deep breath.

She felt... bigger. More full, even though her stomach wasn't full. Her energy was rejuvenated.

"Wow," she whispered and looked across at Svida.

Her smile quickly fell.

Svida's eyes were closed, and after a second's delay of her wavering, her body slumped forward into Clandestine's arms.

Clandestine stared.

Svida really meant it.

Svida was dead.

Her eyes stung, and this time, she was actually able to cry. Tears streamed down her face, and she let out a sob, curling over Svida's body.

She was alone. And lost. Again.