I must be spoiled rotten
If I smell like meat forgotten
On a sunny day.
Now I decay
From all the sweet, but empty words
Thrown my way.
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139,290 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hi soundofmind, Felistia here with a quick review for you on this wonderful day.
there should be a comma after sweet.First a quick punctuation error.
Now onto the actual poem. As Gymnast2801 said, the poem does feel unfinished and could use just a bit more work. On the up note though, your poem feels very original with it's theme. I've never seen someone compare spoiled meat with themselves in a poem, but then I haven't really seen anyone put rotten meat into a poem.
It was an interesting concept to compare a spoiled girl with gone bad meat.
I have no idea what you were trying to say though. I'm not good with poetry concepts.
Anyway, that's all from me today. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.
Ah, thanks! I didn't notice the missing comma. I'll add that in there real quick.
As for getting the concept I'd say you're not far off! I'm glad you caught on and understood the imagery. So I wouldn't say you're not great with poetry concepts - at least, not here. For me, it's more of a hit-or-miss situation. I either deeply connect with the meaning of the poem (usually it's along the lines of the intended meaning, but everyone takes something a little different), or the meaning goes completely over my head.
The length of the poem, I must admit, wasn't so intentional as it was convenient. I really didn't have too much to say - as there's only so many places I felt I could go with the meat imagery without straying away from it's connection to someone being spoiled. I liked it enough to write a poem, obviously, but I'm not sure what I could add from here. Do you have any suggestions? Hah.
But really, my thoughts behind the poem were along the lines of someone who is spoiled with comments. Not just encouragement - but someone who is used to being showered with praise eventually believes what they're hearing, and that can go one of two ways. If it's the truth then there's not really much harm done, but if they get prideful, well, that's where the spoiled part came in.
Compliments, while often well meaning, sometimes just puff up people's pride - and pride is certainly not an attractive thing. Hence, I likened it to bad meat.
Before I forget though, thank you so much for the review! I'm glad found the imagery new to you!
No problem. I don't really have any comments on how to make the poem longer though.
P.S would you like to join in a writing competition? https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=404&t=105309
Errrr myyyy kneeee
Anyways, let's get right into the news.
Actually, I don't really have much to say. I guess that's the magic of using nanofiction. Or really short poetry.
I find it good that you put the effort to rhyme it, but I guess it'd be better if the rhyme schemes were consistent in each stanza.
6
8
5
4
8
3
That's the number of syllables per line. Though I'll admit the imagery is good, it would be better if there was a concrete scheme or pattern for the syllables.
Anyways, this is some really good flashpoem(?). There are actually no problems with it, but it can be improved a lot. Like, a lot.
Thanks for the review!
Hi! herbgirl here for a review!
First of all I would like to say this piece reminds me a bit of a Langston Hughes poem called "Harlem". The imagery here, as in "Harlem", is very well done, though slightly repulsive. But that's good! I think that's what you going for here, right?
Anyways, My main advice is to make these two stanzas into one. I feel like the break between them is unnecessary, and takes away from the poem, especially since it's so short. I'm also slightly bothered by how the rhyme scheme gets switched around between the stanzas. I understand that you may have done this for a reason, and it doesn't completely destroy your poem, but I think that if you could find a way to make the rhyme scheme the same between the two stanzas it would seem more fluid.
Good job with this poem, I really liked your imagery, and the length.
Aah thank you for the helpful review!
Hello soundofmind! Gymnast2801 here with a review!
I've read your poem and it's pretty good! I love how you rhymed it all and meat must have been a hard topic to write about. I didn't find any punctuation or grammar errors and I feel like you described everything with ease.
My only thing I would like to point out is that it feels unfinished. Maybe because it's so short or maybe just because, there is more that could be added onto this poem. I would recommend making it just a bit long to make it feel more finished.
Otherwise, wonderful job! Keep one writing!
P.S. I love you avatar a tone!!
Thanks! And thank you for the review!