Young Writers Society

I love this chapter! I enjoyed reading all of it and I can't wait to read the rest!

"There was something so haunting about the cadence of his breathing as he laid in his bed before us. Watching the chest of a shriveled-up man, rise up and down with each breath made the whole concept of living seem so clinical. Somehow the idea of “being alive” was now boiled down to a breathing tank and the likelihood of his heart not surviving the night. We held our breaths as he struggled to take his. We knew that it was only a matter of time before his body surrendered and he would finally be at peace. He got weaker and weaker with each cough, choking on an infection that had taken control of his lungs."

In this paragraph it describes someone dying, it creates suspense and a sort of mystery as to who this guy is.

"For a man who had lived a life so full of love and joy, it felt wrong to be relying on some medical prediction of how much time he had left. I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were somehow giving up on him. Even when he told us he didn’t want to go back to the hospital, a part of me was convinced that he thought that’s what we wanted to hear."

This paragraph tells us that the guy who was dying had lived a life to its fullest and it had felt off to use a prediction on how much time he has left, that is often how most people feel, whether to family or friends.

"With each syringe of morphine, it felt like we were giving his body permission to finally stop fighting. I wish I knew that this medicine would basically put him in a coma for his last day on earth; had I known, I would’ve done everything differently."

This paragraph indicates that there may be a little flashback coming up soon, and how the mc regrets the decisions they made.

The rest of the paragraphs tell us how the mc gave him the morphine and how they felt like his last moments had been stolen from them. They describe how they had to watch him die from beginning to end.

Honestly, I really liked this chapter, from beginning to end, and I really can't wait to read more of it, so I hope that you post another chapter soon!

Have a good day/night, and stay safe!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a powerful piece here. You don't quite expect what you get, especially with how neutral this start feels, but it really builds up over the course of this chapter and I think its a lovely start here. The ending seems a bit abrupt and slightly forced, but the middle portion especially was pretty nicely done.

Anyway let's get right to it,

There was something so haunting about the cadence of his breathing as he laid in his bed before us. Watching the chest of a shriveled-up man, rise up and down with each breath made the whole concept of living seem so clinical. Somehow the idea of “being alive” was now boiled down to a breathing tank and the likelihood of his heart not surviving the night. We held our breaths as he struggled to take his. We knew that it was only a matter of time before his body surrendered and he would finally be at peace. He got weaker and weaker with each cough, choking on an infection that had taken control of his lungs.

For a man who had lived a life so full of love and joy, it felt wrong to be relying on some medical prediction of how much time he had left. I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were somehow giving up on him. Even when he told us he didn’t want to go back to the hospital, a part of me was convinced that he thought that’s what we wanted to hear.

I think that’s why I hated the painkillers so much.

With each syringe of morphine, it felt like we were giving his body permission to finally stop fighting. I wish I knew that this medicine would basically put him in a coma for his last day on earth; had I known, I would’ve done everything differently.

I left to go to work shortly before they started giving him the pain medication. At this point, he was conscious, aware, and able to communicate with us. It was only a matter of two hours and three doses of morphine that I returned to see the same man lying lifeless right in front of me. He was breathing, well at least his body was.

Little did we know it would only be 24 hours from that first dose that he would be taking his last breath. Although he wasn’t able to communicate or move independently anymore, the hospice nurse told us that his hearing would be one of the last things to go. That final day was one spent gathering around his bed telling stories and reliving them all together. We spoke to him as if he could respond and used this time as our last chance to get things off our chest. I don’t know if he could hear us, but it helps to think that he could. I want him to have been able to feel the overwhelming love that was in that room.

While we were all reminiscing, I kept finding myself staring at him, trying to come to terms with the finality of it all. I’d never had someone close to me die before and I guess until it happened, it was truly impossible to comprehend. I was doing my best to understand that even though his body was still here, his mind was already gone.

After a while, his breathing started to sound like the tick of a timer counting down. The time between each breath was getting longer and his skin was turning an unforgettable shade of grey. Before we knew it, we were watching his body start to shut down.

The first three sentences are immaculate. I love this story, it's so personal and real. I'm interested to see where this will go.

The first three sentences are immaculate. I love this story, it's so personal and real. I'm interested to see where this will go.