Tonight is not the night to reminisce about what I used to want.
Tonight is not the night, but if you insist -
I looked forward to your safety-net of a body making me breakfast, and to cool, beautiful music late at night.
On blistering mornings, I envisioned you waking first and handing me coffee, turning on the television and becoming my soulmate.
Dusk would be full of rocking chair dates on our porch; you and I get a blanket and kiss the stars, looking through neighbors windows and cherishing what we have.
A peck on each of my eyelids for how much you love me - it’s only two kisses, but I sleep like a baby.
I was about to be your wife. I didn’t believe the American Dream was dead until you died with it.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Hi sol4rpow3r, just here to leave a small review of your work
Instantly, I love a poem with longer lines. It teeters on the edge of being a "prose" poem, while also having line breaks and the structure of a more "traditional" poem. The title is also intriguing, and upon first look, I am engaged at how these long lines, yet a short verse, will tie together with such an intriguing title.
Next, as I read the poem, it felt like I could really hear the voice of the poem. It felt as if someone truly talking. The use of "I" becomes personal throughout the poem, not only for the narrator or writer, but also for the reader as we begin to put ourselves in the narrator's shoes in order to understand their thoughts and feelings better.
The last line is the mic-drop that wraps the poem up with a bow and lets the reader know that they do not need to know anymore to the story than what was told. We are left with suspicion, and a want to know more, yet I like the clarity with a tinge of ambiguity of the ending.
The imagery and meaning of this poem is really beautiful. I believe it was well written with no need to alter much of anything. Overall, I enjoyed this poem and felt it to be hard-hitting in it's simplicity. Thanks for sharing your work and keep writing! ♡
I really enjoy the surprise ending of this piece. The action and pacing are excellent. One suggestion I would offer is to add more sensory details to your description. What kind of Neighborhood windows? Is this an upper class neighborhood, or does it have chipped paint and is falling apart, foreshadowing the ending of the poem? Your storytelling in this piece is incredible! I hope you keep writing.