Shoot my leg, but don’t I dare bleed
Run your car over my abdomen and leave
I’m fading into the road
I’m breathless, it shows
The tar becomes a darker shade of black
As my most intimate secret becomes fact -
I want to be a bloodless animal
But all I am is an emotional cannibal
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Wow, this is powerful and full of raw emotion. It feels very intense, almost like a cry for help or an expression of deep inner conflict. The imagery you use, like "fading into the road" and "tar becomes a darker shade of black," is vivid and paints a dark, almost hopeless picture. The line "I want to be a bloodless animal" really stood out — it speaks to a desire for detachment, maybe from pain or emotions. "Emotional cannibal" is also striking, hinting at self-destruction or consuming one's own feelings.
It’s heavy and evocative, and you really captured the feeling of being overwhelmed. If this is part of a larger piece, I’m curious to know what the context is! Keep up the great work. It’s raw, emotional, and really pulls the reader in.
I really enjoyed it!
:3
Oh wow, this is honestly so beautiful. You have such a way with words; it gives your poetry this really strong, almost tangible presence. Every line carries so much weight, and it all flows so well together. Seriously, amazing work!
Thank you this means so much.
Hello. I will be writing a review for your short poem today.
This is... disturbingly dark for a first artwork. I can tell you that. I've seen much more disturbing gore and poetry before. But this? This sends chills when you're reading at night. I know, I know, I sound like a Minecraft horror YouTuber, but I really mean it. This is the most horrifying short poem I have ever read.
Things that make this very scary is that you use straight, simple words. Usually, horror writers make stories long and complicated, with plot twists that can blow your brain away. But just regular, straightforward writing can be scary too sometimes. The sadness and anger in the 'bloodless animal's' eyes makes it even scarier, as if its soul has been tortured so much that their senses are burnt to extinction, and all they want to do is die or kill.
On to writing preferences, I'd say you should make longer poems. As a starting writer, points cannot be farmed easily, so you need to gather a lot of them to be self-sustainable. Maybe you can also put multiple poems in one work to cheat the system, even though that feels less comfortable.
Overall, this poem is good. Terrifyingly good, that is. I hope you can keep making stuff like this. Also, if you're exerting these out of stress, feel free to chat people across the forums. I never do that obviously (which is not exactly a good thing). I keep putting off socialization because it's wasting my time for doing reviews like this one or writing more stories.
Thank you for reading this review. Have a good day, and cheers!
Hey!! I don%u2019t know if it%u2019s customary to reply to reviews on here but I%u2019ll do it anyway. First of all thank you because this really touched me lol. It actually wasn%u2019t my intention to write a horror poem when I went into this because I only had a feeling. But I did end up making some kind of horror poem that is unsettling to me too, even as the author. I%u2019m new to this platform and I%u2019m sure I%u2019ll get more used to it and figure out how to get points up, but for now thank you for being my first review and maybe next time you come back I%u2019ll have one of my longer ones up. Thank you!!!