Today is the day i let it all out
I'm no longer going to pout
I'm hearing all the voices
telling me to choose from different choices
Some say its ok your gonna make it
others say "*u** it just end this **i*"
some days I wanna give in
but according to "them" it is a sin
Not that I care
stop me if you dare
I'll just try again
because all I'ver EVER known is pain
BECAUSE THERE IS NO LOVE!!
There is only rage
I feels as if I'm stuck in a cage
I'm suffering on the outside
but I'm dying on the inside
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
To be honest, this reads more like a journal entry to me then a poem. Not that there's anything wrong with therapeutic journal entries. I've written plenty of them. However, good poetry tries to go a bit deeper than "Let me tell you how I'm feeling". It tries to show the reader something interesting, use unique images, metaphors, etc. to make the reader care.
Also, all caps is not good. The words should be powerful enough that you don't need to scream them.
Thirdly, I'd suggest skipping the rhyming. Free verse gives you more room to experiment with words instead of forcing a rhyme that just sounds silly.
The emotion is strong, but you could express it a lot more creatively. Keep writing!
I could feel the emotion in the poem so that's great. You always want the reader to feel emotion.
In the second stanza in the second line where it says "others say "*u** it dis end this **i*" , I don't know if you meant for it to say the word dis. or not? And also in the 3rd stanza 3rd line it says "I'll just gtry again" probably a typo.
And I didnt like how in the last stanza you rhymed rage with cage.
But I liked the poem and I could feel the emotion and that was the best part.