lost love

its so beautifully and romantically

but then it turnes dark..

i like it. its empowering your character.

well done, and beautiful description.

needs a tad more zang though.

I really loved this. my favorite part was the
"With a deep breath I do the hardest thing I've ever had to do

Without a backward glance I walk away from you" and the
"I put my fingers to my lips, and then I suddenly realize that was our last kiss"

This poem is different from the normal 'last kiss' poem (as people before me have said). this is the first thing that I have read of your work, so I am already in love with your poetry. I would love to read more, so think I will go find some!

Now, this was a nice poem. I like the way how you used rhyming words now and then. It gave the poem a good background. I liked it. And I certainly liked the way you were like crying your heart out then suddenly, walk away from him, without even glacing back at him.

I quietly sob as I pull away from your arms
Mad that they were causing me so much harm (I didn't understand this line)
You try to pull me in for one last kiss
I glare at you, you wanted this (Now, this was great)

You look at me with a look of regret
But this is something I won't let you forget
I turn from you and walk away
You whisper to me "I'm sorry, please stay" (Now he says )

I turn away and wipe my cheek
Suddenly feeling small and weak
With a deep breath I do the hardest thing I've ever had to do
Without a backward glance I walk away from you

I liked these three parts of the poem more than the other ones. I mean, it had a certain darkness in it.

Well, I saw no mistakes. I love to read your poems.

Good luck.

WELCOME! lol nice poem had a good flow nice way to start it of I like the last kiss bit!

Loved it. As mizz-iceberg has said, I thought it could be a bit boring because the description was "last kiss" and that's a very common theme (I should say). it really did surprised be! The rhymes were nice and the poem flown naturally. A minor error (already pointed out), and some forced rhymes, but i loved it! great work

tHANK YOU FRO POINTING THAT OUT TO ME AND I HAVE RECENTELY ADDED NEW POEMS TO MY PORTFOLIO PLEASE READ AND REVIEW THEM

This was quite good. Real potiental. I'll just try and focus on the things that I thought brought it down.

1. The title- 'Last Kiss'. I think the piece is better than it's title. Perhaps consider revising? I don't know, it might put people off reading it if they think it's going to be un-original. Just an idea though, so feel free to ignore me.

2. The captilization of every first letter on every new line. This makes it a bit hard to read.

3. In some places, and I say some because it wasn't a big problem- the rhyme seemed forced. Here's an example when I felt this:

So much pleasure it caused pain

Will I ever feel like this again?

I like this one more than the other one I commented on. ^^
It was full of emotion and I could already imagine the scene in my head as I read it.
It was great! I loved it! And I mean, really loved it! ^^

You've definitely got a talent for writing poems, my friend!
(I'm really horrible at writing poems, but you're good. I'm envious. Haha. Just kidding!^^)

Alright, I only found one mistake that has already been pointed out.

You stroke my hair and drie my tears

this poem is awesome! full of emotion and descriptions!!!

Interesting poem. I read the title 'last kiss' and I thought it was going to be another one of those poems, extremely cliche. But I was wrong. This was wonderful.

Your rhyming scheme worked perfectly, did not at all seemed forced. Which I have to say is difficult to do . So I have to hand it to you, excellent job!

One small thing I noticed, that you'd like to correct:
You stroke my hair and drie my tears

Shouldn't 'drie' be 'dry'?

Oh and I see that you are a new member. WELCOME TO YWS!!! Are you having fun???
If you have any questions about this site or anything just PM me or leave a message in my guestbook.

i like it. ^_^ nice job.