Published November 19, 2008
When i cut it feels right
it helps me to sleep at night
it sounds weird (trust me)I know
I love to watch the blood fall from my wrist
it sounds sick with a little twist.
But hey it's me
there's no way I'd rather be.
It helps me feel.....ALIVE
because "I'm dead inside"
because no one cares if I'm dead or alive
it's the only way I can survive
If it's hurting you I'm sorry
at least I don't go out and party
I'm sorry If I'm not the kid you wanted
I'm just me, I'm not trying to be mean
I'm just being me & that's all I can be
If you can't deal with it
I'M SORRY!!!
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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
I wrote a similar poem, and I have to say I know how you feel. But I didnt really like the ending. It was too much "in your face" and the way the poem started off was not that way. I was really confused at the end because at first you were talking about how it made you feel and at the end it was like you were telling your parents to screw off or something. for me it didnt flow. I really dont want to sound harsh and if I do, I am really sorry. PM me if you have any questions.
-Shayde
The only thing that I have to say is "becuase inside I'm dead" should be "because I'm dead inside"
Also, the capititalization in a poem is very important. In the future I would advise you to use this information thoroughly.
Now, that was a great poem. I imagined it like as it was you who was telling me all these things, and you were right in front of me. That was a great way to write poems.
I didn't understand this part. I mean, what were you cutting? What helps you sleep at night? And what sounds weird? You should make that clear.
You should put the capitalization at the correct points. This part should be :-
I love to watch the blood fall from my wrist,
as it sounds sick with a little twist.
But hey, it's me,
There's no way I'd rather be.
This was the part I like. I mean, that I can feel as if you are talking directly to me.
Well, it was a great poem. I loved the way you are. Well, correct your mistakes.
Good luck.
i liked it... a bit disturbing, but hey I know how you fell [:D]
I support the idea above of rhyming alive with something else (it seems hard i know, but you'll figure something out). I didn't find any other mistakes, but I'm not English so something might have slipped.
The last stanza... is it directed to your parents or friends? it seems like someone doesn't accept you by who you are, and you're apologizing. Did I interpreted it correctly?
Anyway, i like it
This poem seems very emotional and its great to be opening up in poetry.
My only critique is that in the 3rd stanza it would be better to rhyme alive with another word besides alive. But that can be pretty tricky and i am not sure what you would put there instead.
thanks for sharing!
Im not sure how much help i was!?