Chapter One
I took a deep breath as I looked at myself in the mirror hoping I looked cute, but not like I was trying too hard. I'd picked out a pair of faded skinny jeans, a striped shirt, and some black flats to keep things simple. “Here goes nothing,” I sighed as I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door to face my first day of college. I knew I shouldn't even be nervous, it's not like I had even left town for college, Coastal Carolina University was only twenty minutes from home anyway. Yet walking into the large brick building for my Intro to Literature class, my stomach knotted at the thought of knowing no one in my class.
I pulled up my schedule on my iPhone and scanned the halls for classroom 312, reminding myself to check out my class locations beforehand next semester. As I approached the room, which ended up being on the third floor of the old building I stopped to take one more calming breath before entering into my own socially awkward hell. I was just settling into a nice corner desk away from my fellow peers when I heard a much too energetic voice coming from the door.
“Annie! Oh my god, I am so glad we have a class together, it's going to be just like high school!” I sighed and reluctantly looked up to find my next door neighbor Raelynn Chambers skipping over to me with her strawberry blonde hair perfectly curled and her smile as bright as the sun.
“Oh, yeah, hey Raelynn”, I muttered turning every ounce of my attention to finding a pencil in my messy bag. My fear of knowing no one in my classes had suddenly turned to an urgent hope. I wanted to start over this year, and I couldn't do that with constant reminders of home and high school. Raelynn had taken the seat right beside me and was about to try and launch into a recap of summer when the door shut abruptly and in walked a tiny, stern looking, old woman. She sat down her briefcase, turned on her computer and began to call roll.
“Jamie Aunders,” she bellowed in a very strong voice that did not match her physique at all.
“here!” squeaked a mousy brunette in the front row.
She continued the roll and I zoned out trying to look around at all my classmates that I didn't hear her call my name until Raelynn nudged me with her foot.
“Annaliese Selvon? Are you here?” The woman asked in an irritated voice.
My hand shot up,“Yes, right here. Sorry.” I said sheepishly.
She let out an unimpressed “hmph” and continued on with roll. I studied my fingers embarrassed that I had zoned out so easily and hoped that my first class was no indication of how my day would continue. I looked up to see a boy with blonde hair staring at me with so much intensity that it made me uncomfortable for a minute. I furrowed my brow, confused at why he was looking at me and returned my attention to the front of the class as my professor, Mrs. Ladenbaum, began her lecture.
After fifty minutes and what seemed like an endless amount of notes, my first class was successfully over. I tried to hurry and grab my things without having to talk to Raelynn with no avail. I promised to have lunch soon in hopes of getting her off my back. I was just walking out of the building when I heard a voice coming from behind.
“ Annaliese, hey, wait up!” I stopped and turned to the unfamiliar voice only to see the blonde guy from class running down the stairs trying to catch up.
He wore a flowered short sleeve button down, khaki shorts, and a pair of holy converse, reminding me of the cute models you see in Pacsun ads. He stopped abruptly in front of me as he caught his breath. I took a step back, feeling too close for comfort.
“Uhm, hi. Who are you again?” I asked in fear of having met him before and somehow not remembering, even though I doubted that were the case. I had an excellent memory, and I don't think I would forget a boy with curls like his.
“Oh you don't know me, don't worry.” he said waving me off and flipping his curls out of his eyes. I stood there and looked at the ground unsure of what to say next without sounding rude. He must have caught on because then he began to laugh.
“you're probably wondering why some stranger is asking you to wait for them and then expects you to start a conversation, aren't you?”
I gave a halfhearted laugh and nodded.
“ Well, that is because I want to ask you on a date.” he stated, giving me a sly grin and waiting for my response. I immediately started freaking out on the inside. I mean, I've been on plenty of dates and had boyfriends, but they were all guys that I had known since elementary school. I knew nothing about this guy, he could be some Satan worshiping murderer for all I knew!
“ Well, I don't even know you, so I'm going to have to decline.” I said starting to back away from this very adorable stranger that wanted to take me out, and/or possibly sacrifice me to Satan. He clutched a hand to his chest, as though he was actually heartbroken that some random girl he had just met had turned him down.
“That's the whole point of a date! That's where you get to know someone, and I want to get to know you.” He smiled, stepping forward and minimizing the gap I had tried to create. It was getting a little hard to breathe. I hadn't been on a date in two years, since me and Aaron had broken up, and the thought of going on one now kind of made me feel like having a panic attack. I sucked in a long, deep breath and looked up. I reminded myself that I was starting over, that I was not going to be the girl from high school that couldn't get over the guy who broke her heart.
“Okay,” I sighed.
“ but first, I would at least like to know your name.” I smiled, and he broke out into a goofy grin and held out his hand for me to shake.
“I'm Knox,” he introduced himself, shaking my hand ”And I'll pick you up tonight at 6:30. Here's my number, just text me your address.” He said handing me a piece of paper with boyish scribbles on it before he nodded and walked away towards the University Center.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Not bad though it wasn't anything in particular that caught my attention. It's a nice read, but I was waiting for you to give me something that would get me hooked onto this story. Nothing too bad and exciting of course because it's the first chapter, but something that would make the reader interested enough to want to continue. This chapter didn't have that. Sorry. Nonetheless, I hope you continue writing. You have a very nice beginning going out here and I hope you continue. This story has lots of potential and I feel that you can do so many awesome things with it. Nice work and keep writing! -IceWinifredd
thanks! i kind of feel the same way too and think i may try to add some more to leave readers hanging towards the end
Great! Glad i could help then!
Hello there!

I see that the previous reviewer has pointed out most of the punctuation and spacing errors so I'll just give some general feedback on each of the aspects.
First of all, when you write dialogues, make sure there's a comma after the speech and not a period. For example: "I want to ask you out on a date(,)" he stated. The comma within the parentheses is how it's supposed to be written, and not a period. This is something I noticed in quite a few places throughout the chapter.
Also, the comma or period should be before the quotation marks and not after. Like in, "Oh, yeah, hey Raelynn(,)" I muttered...
After a dialogue, make sure you start the next sentence on a separate line.
Characterization-wise, I really like the voice you've given your main character. The way you've portrayed her thoughts clearly gave an insight about her personality. She's easy to relate to and her activities are typical of a girl her age so you've done a great job at that!
I think one thing you need to keep in mind is the pacing of the events that happen. You don't want to go through things too quickly or too slowly. There are quite a few things happening in this first chapter and towards the middle, it felt a bit rushed.
Overall, your plot seems interesting and you seem to have a clear idea of where things are headed. I also like how small details about your character are revealed through her interactions instead of piling things together.
Good luck, and I'll be sure to review the later chapters as well! I hope this review was helpful.
Okay, this is a really great first chapter.
You have really good description and seem to know your main character very well, which is very important. But there were a few mistakes I noticed.

which ended up being on the third floor of the old building I stopped to take one more calming breath before entering into my own socially awkward hell. (You need to put a comma after 'building')
“here!” squeaked a mousy brunette in the front row. (You forgot to capitalize the 'h' in 'here')
My hand shot up,“Yes, right here. Sorry.” (There should be a space inbetween 'up' and 'yes'. And instead of a comma after 'up', put a period)
I studied my fingers embarrassed that I had zoned out so easily (There should be a comma after 'fingers')
He wore a flowered short sleeve button down, (I think you forgot to put 'shirt' in this sentence)
“Oh you don't know me, don't worry.” he said (You need a comma after 'oh' and instead of a period after speech, put a comma)
“you're probably wondering why some stranger is asking you to wait for them (You forgot to capitalize the 'y' in 'you're)
" Well, that is because I want to ask you on a date.” he stated, (There shouldn't be a space in front of 'well'. And instead of a period after 'date', put a comma)
“ Well, I don't even know you, (Again, the space in the beginning is unnecessary)
“ but first, I would at least like to know your name.” (Close the space before 'but')
just text me your address.” He said handing me a piece of paper (The 'h' in 'he' should not be capitalized, and there should be a comma after 'said')
I really hope you continue this and I'll make sure to review it too.
Keep writing!
~BookWolf
Thanks! I think the spaces part was from my formatting because they're not on my actual word document, I'll have to check that out!