Deep dark desire.
Hidden in a liar.
To one's self, tears do flower.
Growing to the eyes, dripping down in their mouth they sour.
From the eyes to the nose they flow.
A growth of painful love they show.
Once sodden with grief, one's own eyes, may sprout trees.
To this one man, a rose grows from his eyes and without thorns,
drips from his nose and into his hands.
This rose he wonders what there is to it's beauty.
It's colors so red and it's hues of saddened blue.
His tears drip from his own petals, his eyes shining like the dew.
His rose cries for him. for him to love again.
To end his tears and pain.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I like the poem. the rhythm is good but is in the way. the message you can see but not completly. It's a lovely poem. "Deep dark desire. Hidden in a liar." is my favorite lines. I think that you can be a great poet if you keep working hard. Thanks for the message telling me you wrote another poem. Great poem! Hope other people think so too.
Hey Sobe,
Nice start here. I think that instead of relying on rhyme to carry your poem to us, you should try to get the message down, dear, and then come back and see what you can do with rhyme. Here, rhyme is getting in the way of you delivering your message fluently.
Also, pay attention to meter-- in most rhyming poems, dear, it is wise to keep your poem's lines at the same, or similar length so that the rhythm of the poem is clear to us. I'd recommend trimming some of this down a bit, and working on what you're trying to say; try not to repeat the same words and ideas more than once throughout.
Good luck, thanks for the read!
June