Young Writers Society

Hi there!

Just wanted to leave a quick review. Your poem flows like a song and actually reminds me of Driver's License by Olivia Rodrigo with the forlorn recollection of what was and won't ever be again. I really enjoyed it though, there were many lines that cut straight to my heart in one profound slash after another. So just to recognize a few:

"i knew one day you would, that youd

give your brain permission

to let go of what your heart's been

holding/dragging."

I think the comparison between the narrator's heart and mind was very well written, and very true. Our hearts like to hold onto the things that our brains know we shouldn't.


"have you made my skull home to

the only remaining versions of

a thousand little love stories with

one sad ending?"

This verse is also very well written. It's a very poetic way of describing overplaying memories of the past.

I did have a few things I wanted to recommend as well that I think can make your poem even stronger:

"my new place is brand new but

somehow still haunted"
(This line is a little superfluous with the word "new" written two times. I would recommend removing one of them to make the verse flow better).

(I also noticed you didn't capitalize any of the "i"s or add the necessary apostrophe to words like "don't " and "can't" which are both quick and easy fixes).

All in all, I really enjoyed your poem. You have a great writing style and I can't wait to read more from you. Keep writing!

Thanks,
PoetryMisfit

Hello, I'm leaving a review. I'd like to share what parts really stood out to me and why.

"my new place is brand new but

somehow still haunted

the ghosts must be from me.

they cant be from you

because you'(ve/ll) never be(en) here"

This line was powerful to me because I have/had similar thoughts multiple times. I felt seen and connected to the speaker. The use of parenthesis to insert multiple meanings into the text really works in conveying the past/present of the speaker.

"you gave me your family when

mine was broken,,,

i wish we'd made more time to

go see the ocean.)"

The slant rhyme here stuck out to me. Especially with the use of 3 commas after broken.

This was an interesting read. Thank you for sharing your art.

I enjoyed reading this poem.It was sweet and romantic.I also enjoyed the writing style,how you added numbers and punctuation marks to the words and how you put parentheses in the some words.For example:”I’ll try to forg(ive/et)” It makes it sound like the person/robot misses their significant other so much,they’ve begun to fade/glitch away as a result of their sadness.I hope you have a lovely day/night.