Exit 17
.
now i live somewhere far away
but still not as far as
u r from me
i still work all day and go home but
now i sit in traffic&
i take the exit i used to take
in the autumn spent falling4u
hope u remember
.
the exit after 19&
before 16
.
my new place is brand new but
somehow still haunted
the ghosts must be from me.
they cant be from you
because you'(ve/ll) never be(en) here
& because your gifts were all pure
sugar&sunshine, the kind of gifts that
don't spoil with time
even if i wish they would
do u remember
.
if you don't then
i'll try to forg(ive/et) u cuz
.
forgetting is inevitable444
synapses decay&
memories are purged
your subconcious decides which moments are relevant.
i knew one day you would, that youd
give your brain permission
to let go of what your heart's been
holding/dragging.
basic neurology saw it coming but
somehow i couldn't.
tell me how u did it because
somehow i can't.
was it magic, or was it easy?
or was it the machine from
eternal sunshine?
have you made my skull home to
the only remaining versions of
a thousand little love stories with
one sad ending?
.
please dont forget (what
its like to know
theres someone like u/me&what
its like to be apart
/
you shared your bed when i had
no where else to go&
you picked up the phone when i
couldn't be alone&
when i pushed you away you
didn't move an inch&
inject me with heat like a
medical syringe.
you gave me your family when
mine was broken,,,
i wish we'd made more time to
go see the ocean.)
sooner/later
sacrafice/prioritizing is
necessary/required
to make room/space for a
new collection&
how can it be sooner when
i put my money on never&
how can you be there when
i bet my heart on forever
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,868 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Hi there!
Just wanted to leave a quick review. Your poem flows like a song and actually reminds me of Driver's License by Olivia Rodrigo with the forlorn recollection of what was and won't ever be again. I really enjoyed it though, there were many lines that cut straight to my heart in one profound slash after another. So just to recognize a few:
"i knew one day you would, that youd
give your brain permission
to let go of what your heart's been
holding/dragging."
I think the comparison between the narrator's heart and mind was very well written, and very true. Our hearts like to hold onto the things that our brains know we shouldn't.
"have you made my skull home to
the only remaining versions of
a thousand little love stories with
one sad ending?"
This verse is also very well written. It's a very poetic way of describing overplaying memories of the past.
I did have a few things I wanted to recommend as well that I think can make your poem even stronger:
"my new place is brand new but
somehow still haunted"
(This line is a little superfluous with the word "new" written two times. I would recommend removing one of them to make the verse flow better).
(I also noticed you didn't capitalize any of the "i"s or add the necessary apostrophe to words like "don't " and "can't" which are both quick and easy fixes).
All in all, I really enjoyed your poem. You have a great writing style and I can't wait to read more from you. Keep writing!
Thanks,
PoetryMisfit
Hello, I'm leaving a review. I'd like to share what parts really stood out to me and why.
"my new place is brand new but
somehow still haunted
the ghosts must be from me.
they cant be from you
because you'(ve/ll) never be(en) here"
This line was powerful to me because I have/had similar thoughts multiple times. I felt seen and connected to the speaker. The use of parenthesis to insert multiple meanings into the text really works in conveying the past/present of the speaker.
"you gave me your family when
mine was broken,,,
i wish we'd made more time to
go see the ocean.)"
The slant rhyme here stuck out to me. Especially with the use of 3 commas after broken.
This was an interesting read. Thank you for sharing your art.
I enjoyed reading this poem.It was sweet and romantic.I also enjoyed the writing style,how you added numbers and punctuation marks to the words and how you put parentheses in the some words.For example:”I’ll try to forg(ive/et)” It makes it sound like the person/robot misses their significant other so much,they’ve begun to fade/glitch away as a result of their sadness.I hope you have a lovely day/night.