Published September 2, 2011
Have you ever seen the rain?
Stretch and pull against the sky?
Leaving a rainbow painted up high.
Have you ever watched that rainbow?
Slowly melt away?
But always with the chance,
To come back the next day.
Have you ever watched the life?
Of a loved one fade away.
Leaving a bitter taste of sadness
And decay.
Have you had to say goodbye?
To your grandma before she dies.
Watched the birth of a baby?
Finally learned to live life great.
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138,958 Literary Works • 672,365 Reviews
wow that was really good. Awesome job at painting the picture! "Have you had to say goodbye?
To your grandma before she dies." < That my friend gave me the chills, and I could really relate. Having to say goodbye when
She's not even dead yet. <not sure if that's what you meant, but that's what I gained from it. Anyways. Great poem!
I enjoyed this poem a lot and could connect to it immensely. I enjoyed that the questions you asked got more and more intense but never melodramatic and you stayed on track instead of going into a thoughtful monologue. I think that instead of having the question mark at the end of life (line
you could put it at the end of away.
Also I didn't find the ending quite as satisfying as it could have been. I liked how the two last lines rhymed and gave the poem hope, but I think that the poem might be stronger if there was perhaps a very short statement at the end- it could even be two words. Don't mind me if you don't want to do this. I found the poem very unique and made me question some things myself. Keep on writing because you're very talented!
This is deffo really GREAT!! I love this poem, the meaning behind it is super, enjoyed the style of writing and the rhyme scheme used! The title is the thing that drew me in, really good.
You are a talented writer.
Love,
EvensLily xxxxx
Hey! You've started off your poem quite smoothly. A question is always a good way to start. At first I thought it would be all about the rain and its description but it wasn't. This is better! There is a good and undisturbed flow in your poetry. It was easy to read and you've chosen the correct rhyming words here.
So what I liked the most about this piece is the different questions you've asked. The amazing thing here is that they're linked with each other. Hats off to you! You're a talanted poet and your writing definitely caught my attention. I'll be looking forward to more poems from you.
I like this a lot! Keep it up. Good rhyme scheme, maybe try to balance syllabic content. Keep writing.