Great, I was lost.
At first I knew,
where I was going,
then I got distracted.
There in the tree,
was a small,
but brightly colored bird.
The breast of the creature,
had a strange,
but prominent lump.
After great speculation,
I concluded it had a tumor.
"Poor birdie," I whispered.
Quietly I stumbled,
away from the bird.
Staring at my sandel laden feet,
I convinced myself my toes,
seemed to go off in different directions.
But it came to my attention,
that all of my,
low foot-self esteem issues,
distracted me from the trail.
I was lost,
without,
any sense of direction.
Every tree,
looked,
the,
same.
Every rock,
looked,
like,
a,
rock.
Every pinecone,
looked,
like,
a,
deathly spike.
The frantic,
beat of my,
heart.
Grew faster and faster,
until I felt it was going,
to explode from,
my already aching,
chest.
What would have,
happened to me out there,
in that place?
Where cats eat cats,
dogs eat dogs,
and bears eat...
"RING...RING."
"Hello,"
"Hi honey."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi Snicker, here to review! ^^
This probably won't be the longest of my reviews, but I read the poem and felt that I had to say something about it. (Mostly because I liked it - it made me smile, and all of that neat jazz).
So, obviously, my first thoughts are that I really did like this. I'm not sure that I have a lot, if anything, to critic, so sorry if this is short, but honestly, critiquing for-fun poems is hard. xD My only real critique, and it's not much of one, is that it seemed a bit too random in a few areas - mainly the part where you mentioned your toes - it didn't seem to fit quite right with the rest of the poem. And, at the same time, I suppose the poem wouldn't really have worked without it. My advice there would be to check the transition leading into the bit about toes and see if you can add or take out something to make it a bit smoother.
Or, you could just leave it as it is. I'm just looking for something to point out for the sake of pointing something out. xD
In a nutshell - I really did like this poem. I wasn't quite sure what had happened at the end - did she find her way home, was she day-dreaming or was it all a dream? (Please tell me it wasn't the last one - too cliche). Other than that, though, I really did like this.
Good work and keep writing,
~~Ish.
I really enjoyed this! It was funny and random thanks for posting!
-SoulSaver