Published January 5, 2012
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137,425 Literary Works • 672,010 Reviews
Hello there snickerdooly,
I bet you thought you'd never get a review on this. Well, I'm here to prove you wrong. *insert mad/diabolical/insane laughter/giggles/cackling/whatever here* For too long have works like yours languished unreviewed, and so my comrades and I of the Order of the Knights of the Green Room are here to bring an end to such an ignomiously neglected state of reviewage.
So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the reviewing!
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This line just reads awkwardly. I think you might be missing a "most" in there, otherwise it reads like there was this really long period of perfect chanciness that the narrator never acted upon.
Out of what? The shoes? The narrator's eyes? The narrator's face? It could be any of the three, but the pronoun is so ambiguous, and in a bad way.
Poems rely upon being specific and not-vague, so having such vagueness in this, especially at a crucial turning point in the piece, really weakens your poem.
In any case, overall, you have a fair number of ideas going on in here, and they aren't very well connected at the moment. How do the high heels tie into the eyes which tie into the changing faces? There's no direct connections between any of the three, and so that makes this piece hard to follow and thus much less meaningful.
Clear up the relationship between your images, and this poem will be the stronger for it.