Blue Oceans (2 of 3)

by snickerdooly
  • November 20, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Other

Spoiler! :
This is a second in a series of poems, I wrote the first one several months ago and have been thinking of writing more, so please read the first one and then this and tell me if it works or if I shouldn't continue. Thanks!


Blue Oceans drag me across the pavement,
Covering me with scars.
Screaming under these blue oceans,
Hands reach for me but can't break the surface.

Blue Oceans seep under my skin,
Turning me into this deciduous being.
The Blue Oceans give me an euphoric like sensation
Painful but with the smallest hint of relief.

Outside the tempetuous skies glare down at me.
Time is empty,
Like the cob webbed filled eyes of my father.

Here in these Blue Oceans I have no guilt,
No expectations,
No future.

High on these Blue Oceans,
I close my eyes,
Against the world.

Comments & reviews · 3
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live1out2loud7
Review
live1out2loud7 wrote a review · Sun Dec 04, 2011 2:12 am

I really liked this poem! You used great description and it was very easy to read and to follow. I agree with IamHathor22 that it was a great analogy. And if you didn't mean for it to be an analogy then it was a great description for the ocean and can also be used as an analogy for life. Great job!

User avatar
demib
Comment
demib commented · Sun Dec 04, 2011 1:55 am

that is a very good poem it catches the eye to read more ya know? good description i really like it though i would say listen to the people that know their stuff. keep that pencil flowin!

User avatar
IamHathor22
Review
IamHathor22 wrote a review · Sun Nov 20, 2011 7:09 am

Hey There –
Wow. This was an intriguing poem to read. It had a varied rhythm (sorry – that peeves me… I’m a musician…) but it was balanced somehow… Very interesting to read.

I love the topic – it really can be applied to anything. The ‘blue ocean’ is life. I thought that was a good analogy. (I think it was an analogy… Matter of interpretation I suppose…)

Great imagery.

This was incredible. So powerful.

Outside the tempetuous skies glare down at me.
Time is empty,
Like the cob webbed filled eyes of my father.


This is serious stuff. I thought it was quite good. Had to read it a few times, and I don’t do that often.

Keep it up, snickerdoodly – you are immensely talented.

Best Regards

IamHathor22



mashed potatoes are v a l i d
— Liminality