Published March 25, 2007
Midnight Flight
The hands crept silently toward their destination; each second passed in painful slowness. I waited, silently, hoping my prayers would be answered. Finally the last second passed, the hands of the clock came together for the first time that day. It was midnight. I looked eagerly toward the hangar door. The door remained closed, single and solitary. A minute passed, then two. I was excruciatingly aware of each second that passed without interruption. Finally the door creaked open and a steady stream of people emerged. I searched, my eyes darting from face to face.
I looked at the unknown faces and their travel worn clothes. It was a wave of assorted colors and wrinkled cloth. But I looked in vain. There were no familiar faces, no one to come running toward me. I waited. I waited until the last passenger trudged off the plane, wearily carrying his suitcases. And yet my hope lingered on. I waited until, one by one, the suitcases were unloaded. An ordinary flood of dull reds, greens, and blues. The last piece of luggage was carted off the plane, and the white giant slowly began to move toward its hangar, the small lights on the wings illuminating the pavement. It moved inches at a time, and as it disappeared into the night, my heart sank.
I looked at the clock; it was nearly one. My mind wandered, and I remembered when it was midnight, just an hour before, but now it seemed like decades. I had been so sure that she would come. But she did not. And now I cried bitter tears of regret, not only for myself, but for the relationship I had destroyed.
At midnight, my life was changed.
At midnight, my hopes were shattered.
At midnight, my heart was broken.
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141,348 Literary Works • 674,375 Reviews
Thanks, JC. I already deleted the last midnight. It just said "At midnight." at the end. I think I like it better this way. I'd have to think about continuing it. I didn't really have a story in mind when I wrote this, I just, kind of...wrote. I'll see what I can come up with.
I disagree, I like the last midnight. It fits...unless you already deleated it, in which case, awesome.
There isn't much I can say to fix here, while it was emotional and such, it didn't make me care. I knew nothing about the relationship, the characters, anything. Simply put, a story like this, meant to have it's desired impact needs to be just that, a story. Not meerly idea's jam packed together.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the story, but it seemed rather abrupt, even for meaning to be short.
I would love to see this longer, so if by any chance you decide to continue it, PM me so I can read it. I love your writing stlye. =D
-JC
Thanks. I think I'll delete that last midnight. Thanks for all the great feedback. Unfortunately, I've always been sooo much better at writing sad stuff than happy. Just a sick talent God gave me, I guess.
M, wow. I really liked the whole mystery factor in it because I didn't completely catch on till the second paragraph.
The last midnight does sort of seem repetative.
The emotions in this were so awesome, I don't belive I really have anything to suggest other than that first part. So basically, I thought it was perfectly splendid. =]
This is lovely. It's very well written, and I love the symbolism of midnight, how night changes to day &c. And how you life changes at the stroke of midnight.
I like the idea, but I would like to have seen a bit more character developement (then again, maybe the story is complete in its shortness). The concept is great. Keep writing, would love to see more!
I think this story is very well written; there isn't much there that isn't necessary. The only thing I would change would be to take out the final repetition of "at midnight" because you've already said it three times previously, and the third seemed to make the point of the story being that the person's heart was broken, it might be stronger to end on that note. But that's personal preference, and since you're the author, you preference in writing trumps mine.
Overall, I liked it; I felt sad at the end just as the character did, and if you can make your reader feel your characters emotions, I think you've done a good job.
-Amelia