Published November 11, 2007
Paint my nails
Straighten my hair
What girls do to impress a male
Skirts above my knees
Shirts too small all to please
Hard to be unique
When all they do is cheat
Tests, boyfriends, Life
Whats the difference between me and her?
Deep down inside
She wants to paint
Her parents want her to become a saint
Can we determine our lives?
Or is our life planned
And no one can hear us wine
Take a stand from your look
And please go try and open a book.
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My first question is whether you based this upon your own experience, or what various media tell you is happening to teenage culture? Because I'm sure they are two very different things.
In general, I couldn't find a whole lot of meaning in this; each line seemed to refer to something different and only be there to rhyme with the preceding one. My advice would be to rewrite this without the rhyme scheme and concentrate on what you really want to tell instead of repeating what you've heard othes say.
PM me if you have any questions; I'd be happy to help ^_^
-Amelia
Oh, god. A rhyming poem.
I...don't like those kinds of poems... *hides behind a riot shield* I get the feeling that you were forcing yourself to find a rhyming pattern, especially on the last two lines.
I mean, I liked the general idea an the structure wasn't too bad.
Quote:
Paint my nails
Straighten my hair
What girls do to impress a male
----------
I like those lines though. The rhyming there sounds nice, instead of forced like some of it.
Quote:
And no one can hear us wine
-----------
'wine' should be 'whine'
Overall:
It's definitely not a bad poem. I personally don't much like all the rhymes [except for the first one^^] but I really appreciate the idea, the feel of the poem. I agree with your view that girls do stupid things to impress guys.
Anyways,
Yours truly,
Ayra/Camille
Anyy repliess?? haha