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Chapter One

Holly

I remember the day he left for work, his bag full of paper work, his flask in one hand and his keys in the other. He smiled at us, a different smile to one he would usually give, a smile that had doubt written all over it. Sadly I didn't know it then,I didn't know he wanted out of everything I thought was perfect. I was getting ready to head off to college. I remember putting my peach coloured lip gloss on in the living room mirror, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and wished me a good day. Suicide wasn't written on his agenda for the day, it wasn't on his breath after his lips left my cheek, it wasn't in the room with us. Even my mother didn't know, and she loved him, more than life itself. My mum and dad were the couple you saw on the cheesy dating website adverts, the couple you saw down the street holding hands, even though they were over fifty and had gone through lives struggles. They were happy, I envied them. I didn't know it then, that he was going to crash his car.

I was sat at the desk in class, writing about the importance of dignity when caring for patients, when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Not thinking anything of it, I ignored it. It rang and rang and rang, not once did I check to see who was calling. I left it, the call to tell me my whole world would collapse, I didn't even look. Two hours after that class, I looked at my phone, to see thirteen missed calls, six text messages and two voice mails from my mother. We didn't have a good relationship at the best of times, so me ignoring her calls was just another day really. We always argued, I remember that now, it was like we enjoyed it. I can't even write down what she said when I called. It is still so raw and it has been seven years. Yet I still remember it like the back of my hand, like it was yesterday. Just like I'm that seventeen year old student again.

Returning home was the worst. The police were sat with my mum, they were trying their hardest but she was in hysterics. I expected her to be, of course. I couldn't cry, I couldn't scream, I couldn't act in the way any other daughter would. In my gut, deep in my gut, I expected something to happen, not suicide or anything on the same level, but looking back, that morning was odd. I felt strange, seeing everyone gathered in the living room but the one person that held this family together.

Jess, my sister, fifteen at the time, curled up into the sofa sniffling into the cushion. We weren't close either, I didn't like her attitude towards life. She was happy to smoke and drink, and cause havoc in the household. What if she was to blame, I know that's wrong to say, but all the stress she caused. The arguments and frustration, they never knew where she was, or who she was with. They cared too much for someone who didn't care about themselves. Some could call it jealousy, as I grew older I became invisible.

“Holly, please sit down.” my mother requested, pointing to the leather arm chair metres away from me. “I don't want to.” I said with guilt, the last thing I wanted at the time was to cause any more arguments or to make the situation worse, but I didn't want to sit down and cry over him, he chose to leave. She frowned at me, in which I knew it meant to do as I was told. “Sweetie, your father has passed away in an accident, he was on his way..” she cried, holding her head in her hands. Something in me clicked and I ran over to her, holding her, letting her release every emotion she had in her onto the sleeve of my jumper.

“Holly, what time does your break finish?” Sarah asked. She was the head nurse on the ward I was working on. Farndale ward, the best ward in Harrogate Hospital, if I say so myself. All the staff are lovely and the patients are never too unwell when they are admitted. Unwell, but nothing I can't handle. “Now actually, thanks for the heads up” I grinned. Packing away my lunch items, I gave my hair a quick brush and sprayed my favourite perfume onto the collar of my uniform, “Ghost” it had such a light scent not overpowering at all.

“What do you mean she hasn't eaten yet?” I heard this manly voice shout. Leaving the staff room I looked towards reception and set my eyes on this tall, smartly dressed, what seemed to be arrogant man. “She needs to eat, she has diabetes!” he shouted again. I noticed the receptionist, Lisa trying to keep him calm, and asking him to lower his voice. It wasn't working so I stepped in.

“Excuse me Sir, this isn't the place to shout and bellow can you please explain to me what the problem is?” I smiled. “My mother is on this ward, Mrs Rightly?” he bulged his eyes out at me expecting me to know who he was talking about. “Yes, I know she, she hasn't eaten yet as she had to have a scan on her stomach to identify any infections, if she eats before the scan then it jeopardises the camera picking up the full image.” I touched his arm trying to reassure him. “I see, and who are you?” He frowned. Whoever he was, he was becoming more rude by the minute. “I'm Holly, a nurse on this ward.” I smiled, as you do. “Right I see, I apologise for raising my voice, but she needs to eat as soon as she gets back from the scan. Can you make that happen?” he asked. “Yes, of course. If you want to go visit her before she goes down to her scan, you can.” I smiled.

He gave me a little nod, grinned and walked towards his mothers side room.

He was good lucking, but damn he knew it.