shadow of doubts

Nothings ever good enough,
for anyone, especially you
but time will end
when we will be through
i can only only go through so much pain
with you weaknesses and rage.
for all the rights and wrongs
maybe happiness we can arrange"
Hi smile! So first of all, I asolutely love this, and I adore you for being able to get such a strong point across in just twelve lines. There are just a few things that are a bit off:

For starters, with the line "in this shalow world," shalow is spelled shallow

I also think that in the line "Nothings ever good enough," Nothings should be exchanged with Nothing is - just a simple visual and auditory appeasment

In the last few lines of the poem it gets a little confusing as to which line goes with which. That can be easily remedied with either simple punctuation or with capitalization (but even with punctuation you should capitalize). For example....

Punctuation (keeping in mind I'm not 100% sure which line is paired with which):

Shadow of doubts,
knowing something might be going on
in this shallow world
where all things are wrong.
Nothing is ever good enough
for anyone, especially you.
But time will end. (However, this line is a little confusing - why is it there?)
When we will be through?
I can only only go through so much pain,
with [your?] weaknesses and rage.
For all the rights and wrongs,
maybe happiness we can arrange.

Capitalization:

Shadow of doubts,
knowing something might be going on
in this shallow world
where all things are wrong
Nothing is ever good enough
for anyone
especially you
But time will end
When we will be through
I can only only go through so much pain
With [your?] weaknesses and rage.
For all the rights and wrongs
maybe happiness we can arrange

Do I make any sense? Hope I helped some! I absolutely love the poem!

Love,
FictionFanatic

Hi smile123! Sparkle here to review.

This is a good piece. It's very relatable and you executed your idea very well. I could feel your emotion and I understood it. You communicated it very well.

I agree with the other reviewers that you should capitalize. Your grammar could use some work, too.

Your rhymes flow effortlessly, and the poem has good rhythm.

Good job, keep writing!

Hi smile123!
I'm Hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today!
I really liked this poem,as a lot of people would be able to relate to it in many ways,it also flows well,which is always a bonus.the only constructive critism I have is that you need to have capital letters at the start of each sentence,or else it looks wrong and incomplete.
Other then that,it was great!well done,keep writing!i would give it a ten out of ten!
~bye

Nice poem! The idea and the execution of it is beautiful. There are, however, a few mistakes here and there. Firstly, you need to capitalize. Without it, the poem is looking incomplete, like a rough draft. It is not a rough draft but the final piece. Secondly, there are a few spelling errors in the poem. But nothing that can't be fixed.
All- in- all, good work. If you a little more attention to your grammar, you'd be great!
Cheers!

Wow, what a great poem! The onl mistake here is that nothing is capitalized. You got some great talent here! This feels like something I would have wrote. (Grrrr.) :$: anyway, I like this a lot as you already know, keep up the good work!
~Dark

Hi, smiles! Welcome to Young Writers Society, I'm alliyah here to review your poem!

So, there are some grammar/spelling errors, that really ought to be addressed.
3rd line: "in this shalow world" 'shalow' needs to be 'shallow'.

5th line "Nothings ever good enough" 'nothings' needs an apostrophe 's' because you're meaning it as an contraction or ''nothing is...' And you don't need a comma at the end of that line I believe.

6th line I think you do need a comma at the end of this line: "for anyone, especially you,"

9th line: If you're going to capitalize some words that need to be capitalized like 'Nothings' then you really need to capitalize the word 'I' as well. You need to choose either no capitalization or all correct capitalization, so that you can be consistent.

10th line "with you weaknesses and rage" 'you' should be 'your'.

Now that's actually quite a few spelling problems for such a small poem, so in the future I would strongly suggest either proof-reading or using spell-check before posting.

Overall, I think you had good word choice, and did a very nice job conveying an emotion of rage and despair, keeping that through the whole piece.
There are a couple lines, that do not make any sense, at least to me, so you may want to revise them. The phrase "shadow of doubts" is a cool phrase, but other than that, what does it have to do with the rest of the first sentence? It might be better as a title, than just stuck in the front. You should try reading what you wrote as sentences, just to clarify that it all makes sense, because sometimes (I know I do this a lot when writing poetry) you'll get a cool line, but when you step back and read it, with the other lines, it makes zero sense.

Even try writing it out as a sentence: "Shadow of doubts, knowing something might be going on in this shallow world where all things go wrong."

I think the 7th line would make more sense as "the time will come" because as is, it's almost like the 7th and 8th line make a double negative. But as the other reviewer pointed out, deleting the 8th line would take care of that.

I think you're on the right track smiles, and I hope my review is not discouraging you, because I mean to ENCOURAGE, and I can see that this poem has a lot of potential. As soon as you get rid of those pesky spelling errors, you're poem will be more polished as well. Again I wish you a warm welcome to young writers society, and wish you all the luck in your future writings!!

~alliyah~

I like it. The only thing I would suggest changing is the 8th line, get rid of when. Other than that nicely done.