Young Writers Society

I quite liked it,especially how it concluded "..repeats itself. "
Best wishes.

Hiya,

I'm not a poet, and I don't have any specific knowledge of the technical construction of a poem, or anything similar. I see you already have reviews that help you amend any issues in that regard, so I've chosen to review the subject of your work.

I think lending your storytelling abilities to a hot topic is great.
For me, there was something very personal about this work. As a woman, more focused on a career at the moment, I appreciated the fact that your work identified the obstacles faced by women in the professional capacity in the modern day. It was less about the maternal side to women, and more about their aspirations as career women. I like that you identified that as an issue, and used it to drive the rest of the poem.

I have no idea of the context from this woman's perspective, and I like that you managed to make it about wider issues whilst keeping the reader connected with the individual mentioned in the poem.

Great writing, keep it up!

Damn this is the second time this has happened. I keep on submitting reviews before I finish them. >.< I'm an idiot if you haven't figured that out. I wish I could learn more about the main characters life. Her husband, children,or even grandchildren. If she had any because I'm curious about her reactions about those stages of life. If for whatever reasons she couldn't again it would be interesting to see her views on the events. That's just my opinion. I just hope you take these things into consideration.

Nice poem. I like how you tackled some issues most people act like they don't exist. A few flaws here and there, but nothing major. I also enjoy the fact that you didn't go overly feminist ( I talking about third wave not first or second). Keep writing.

Hi! Welcome to YWS!! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review.

First of all, this is one supremely strong poem . Since my part of the world is somewhat patriarchal, I can relate to the poem. You were able to express your emotions and feelings very well through this poem of yours. I agree with LeutnantSchweinehund who says that the rhyming words are kind of forced at times. Along with gxldencrxwns, I, too think that the poem would be better with punctuation. I did not notice any other grammatical errors here.

What I liked the most about this poem is that you were able to speak for the sensitive issue of feminism without referring to politics or arousing doubts and confusion in the mind of the reader. The message of this poem is a very powerful one, which is relevant in today's world, or, at least in my corner of the world.

You are one great writer bursting with potential and talent! Keep writing!!

Awesome poem!

Quick review, let's get to it.

It certainly wasn't bad, but there are flaws. Wonderful may be an overstatement, but then again, I have a super high standard for poetry (although my own poetry is complete trash).

Overall, it works. You tried to rhyme, which is more than can be said for most, but the rhymes are a bit forced at times, maybe? I don't know, really. "Empire" and "aspires" don't rhyme too well, for instance. The other ones seem alright to me.

What's more problematic is the flow, which is a bit halted in certain segments. Some lines are just a bit too long compared to others. It asks to be read in a lyrical fashion, to be lightly sung, like a bard song, but it's somewhat rigid.

Now, if you take the time to smooth out some long, not-very-rhythmic words and phrases, it'd be far easier to read. Poetry needs to be poetic. If you write it in common tongue, without having it flow, it might as well be prose in lines.
"Dreams smothered, wishes only penned," make all lines like that, and you've got a good poem in my view.

Poetry is very subjective, of course. But still, it should flow. Flow is more important than rhymes. As for the content, it seems to be mostly political. Can't say I agree with the message much, but it doesn't affect the review, so no political biases from me. Just a disclaimer.

Hello, smiksha! Gxldencrwns here for a review and a welcome to YWS! Let's get right into the review!

I would guess that this poem is about the problems girls face, such as the ones you pointed out. This is sort of a fragile topic that is thrown around loosely in today's society, and you wrote and handled it maturely and responsibly.

Now, I do have two complaints, but they can be easily fixed. First, I think the poem would be better with punctuation, such as periods and commas. Also, this would be easier to go along with if it was separated with stanzas. If you didn't choose to use them because of a stylistic choice, I understand.

Well, that's the end of this review. Have a good day/night, and keep writing! And again, welcome to YWS! Hope you enjoy it here!
~gxldencrxwns