Grey
Sky.
Cold
Rain.
Comfortably
wet.
Don't want an
umbrella.
Stormy
Night.
Can't see
the stars
Don't want it
to clear up.
Don't want to see
heaven above.
'cause the light hurts my eyes.
'cause the angels aren't there.
Wherefore I want it pouring.
Therefore keeps me up at night.
Gives me elixir,
gives me fever,
Cause I don't mind the weather
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Keep in mind I wrote this in like 15 minutes with no rhyme scheme in mind. I might make changes later if I feel like it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thanks for the review guys! Storm if you read the description (which doesn't appear on the actual post so I can understand why you said that) I describe this poem as my strange obsession to depression. Now the last 3 lines are meant to exemplify that I feel like the depression gives me a sort of enlightment, meaning, to myself, and that I sort of like it. I agree it is a strange way to end the poem but it is how I feel none the less. When you say expand do you mean to a universal theme? Because that's not where i was going for. This is really just what I'm feeling.
Thanks for the stanza suggestions Amy I will change them soon. Glad you liked the poem. The line "wherefore I want it pouring" is asking why do I like the rainy weather when it's supposed to symbolize gloom and stuff like that. the next line "therefore keeps me up at night" explains that the rainy weather I so desire for keeps me up at night. Is this a wierd way to phrase things? Probably. I could've used better words but I thought wherefore and therefore on adjacent lines would've been cool. Apparently not? D:
Glad you 2 liked the poem! The light that you two's review has created a rainbow in my daily rain
There are certain parts of this I like. I'm not sure why you put some of the punctuation where you did. For example:
You don't need anything there. The reader automatically pauses because of the line change.These are my suggestions for changes that could be made:
I liked the ending. I thought that compiling the sections into stanza makes it easier to read. Never stop writing, amygabb.
My two biggest pieces of advice would bet to not start every line capitalized, and not to end every line with some punctuation. I thought it was kind of strange that you ended with such an ambivalent line, though, after kind of a depressive mood. It would've been nice if you expanded this further, but I like the general idea and mood of it.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver