Hey guys. this is a prequel to a novel that i hope one day to actually write (sad face?). I'm a final fantasy fan so i think it'd be interesting to make a fan-made prequel to the series. It starts out in the middle of the series then goes back to the prequel-prequel (which i don't think is an actual literary term but whatever). I'm still deciding on the time of the book since it involves people from all over the world but this'll have to do for now. enjoy 
1858 October 25, The Atlantic Ocean
????
The young boy looked out the window of the boat. Had a year gone by so fast already? He stared at his own reflection on the window.
"I've barely aged" he said, observing his face, his jet black hair that he never bothered to comb, his light brown eyes, his small face, "everything looks the same" he thought.
The ship passed by an island. He looked over at the island and noticed something. "The trees" he thought, "What were they doing?". He had never seen a tree sway like that. Never saw the wind pass through and out a tree. "Maybe this crazy adventure is good for me" he thought, "I can appreciate trees now".
He laughed and cried at the same time. The ship was on its way to America and he wasn't looking forward to it. He heard a snore. The large man from the Vatican was still sleeping on the old man's bed.
He thought about the old man who had guided them all the way here. "The old man has still not told me his name" thought the boy. He walked out the cabin and onto the deck and waved at the old man.
He definitely was not from England, let alone London. Maybe not even Europe. He couldn't make out what he was. He definitely wasn't from China. He had been to Hong Kong before on a trip with his master who's home was in Hong Kong. He decided to go ask him.
As he was walking over to the wheel the ship shook. The boy and the old man looked at each other. It was not time for high tide yet. The old man then stared off into the water and screamed. "Get your sword! and go wake him up!". All of the sudden a giant sea serpent sprung out of the water.
1857 May 3, Wales
????
"People look at me strange" The strange man sighed. "Guess things never change huh. Whatever. I have a mission."
He approached the innkeeper. "One night please" he said dryly. Though he had the look of a man in his forties, his voiced echoed the cries of a senior citizen.
The innkeeper hesitated for a minute, obviously paralyzed by the strange manner of the man's appearance. A long black robe with a large hood. Long-bearded and an almost unnatural hair color. Eventually the innkeeper reached under the counter and grabbed a sheet of paper. "Name please".
The strange foreigner froze. He was never born with a name. He had made several names for himself but this was his first time in Europe. "Name please" the innkeeper said impatiently.
Won't hurt to make a name up. I'll be long away from Wales by tomorrow morning anyways. He wrote down Johann Pierre. Lots of people come here from France. At least I hope so.
The innkeeper stared at the name with an eyebrow up. The strange man, unsure what to do blurted out "My father was french". There was an obvious sense of insecurity. Unconvinced, the innkeeper took the strange foreigner's money and gave him his key.
The strange man went to his room and locked it. He lied in the bed for a while. He sat up and saw the mirror. He took a good look at himself. Midnight blue hair and red eyes. Surely the strangest kind of person you could ever run into. Makes me too noticeable he thought.
He looked over. Outside his window he noticed a man with a sword. That's strange I thought swords were outdated. Which is a shame. Guns are so unsophisticated. The man outside pointed his sword at the inn. Fire came out of the sword. The strange man suddenly jerked himself out of his bed. He pulled a sword that was hidden under his robe and slashed it upwards. Immediately a transparent barrier appeared. The fire was reflected back to the ground.
"I know your in there. Come out!" the man yelled.
The strange man pointed his sword at the man outside and lightning sprung out. The man was instantly killed. They sent a pawn after me. How insulting.
He jumped out the inn and took a good look at the man. Shame. Young one. Handsome too. But perhaps his death won't be in vain he thought. He pointed his sword at the dead man and fire came spewing out. The corpse was now unrecognizable. They won't bother to kill you if they think I'm dead, Oliver. He sent the corpse back to his room and pointed his sword at the room. The room exploded.
And back on his way to London he went.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________Just as a side note there are purposely no names in the prequel and first chapter
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello!
This is a prequel novel to the Final Fantasy series? Like, the game series? If so, seems like it should be in FanFiction novels. But I'm intrigued to see how you're going to tie this all together. I thought the FF games were all stand-alone titles for the most part.
Are those question marks supposed to be there for a reason? Are they indicating that we don't know the character's name whose viewpoint this is in? If so, don't worry about putting the name above the writing. It should be perfectly clear whose viewpoint you are in when you are writing. And if we don't know the characters' names yet, it's fine. We don't know their names yet. You do a pretty good job of indicating that they are different people and that the viewpoint has changed, so we don't need you to put their names up there.
You've got "strange" there twice within a word of each other. I mean, if he is strange, they're going to look at him strangely, right? It sounds redundant and silly. Maybe get rid of the "strange" before "man"?
These lines and a few others are obviously in the man's head as inner thoughts. Go ahead and italicize them so that it's clear you aren't suddenly changing viewpoint on us. That way, we can get those first-person thoughts, while still keeping the third-person narration. As is, it just looks like you're switching perspective on us without warning. The italics indicate the thought clearly. In fact, you can do that in the first bit too with the younger man, when he is considering the trees. If he isn't actually saying the words out loud, if you were to put them italics instead of quotes, it would be clearer he is just thinking them.
The action here goes super crazy fast. I mean, BAM! one sentence, that's it. Slow down a little. Give it a little punch by describing the characters' actions as they fight. Describe the lightning when it comes. Take the time to show stuff as it happens and it will make it that much more exciting. As is, it goes by so quickly that the reader doesn't have time to get into it or get excited or anything. It's just there and then done.
Well, color me intrigued at your premise. I'm interested in seeing how you go through and tie everything together. Onto the next chapter for me?
~GryphonFledgling
thanks tear drop!
haha yeah my grammar sucks .__. so thanks for pointing out my mistakes. other than that i've purposely started the novel out slow. I guess I could've added a little more detail to the actiony type scenes but other than that everything else is good (kinda sorta? idk T.T) plus I didn't want to give too much of the story out by giving vivid descriptions of anybody and like i said there are purposely no names (except for oliver at the end of chapter 1) in the prologue and chapter 1. As for the point of view thing....woops D:
Hey, Teardrop here!
Okay, this really lacks emotion. Also, you need punctuation in it when people speak.
Here's the nitpicks, added stuff and corrections in #FF0000 ">red.
Okay, so overall it could use editing, but has a lot of potential! I can't wait to see where this is going. Keep writing!
~Tear