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Young Writers Society



Last sacrifice

by skeptik_225


Last sacrifice

Abundant potential
Beautiful regrets
Lingering doubts
She can’t seem to forget

Decaying in sorrow
But he will soar
For being apart
Matters no more

Dark rimmed glasses
Friday night drives
The last sacrifice
Is lost in her eyes

Overlapping memories
Sky dancers they are
He can join them
And dwell in a star

Beyond the broken road
She touched the sun
There was no choice
He was the one

Heavenly invites
She boldly refused
The choices we make
We can not choose

Her final gift was
A powerful smile
No turning back
Not for awhile


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53 Reviews


Points: 1305
Reviews: 53

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Tue Aug 25, 2020 1:58 am
VioletFantasy wrote a review...



Hello!

VioletFantasy here to give you a quick review. This poem is stunning! I love your rhyme scheme. It adds just enough rhyming without being overpowering. Also, your short lines and stanzas were very refreshing! A lot of poems are long and can be tiring to read. Your poem kept my attention the whole time.

Abundant potential
Beautiful regrets
Lingering doubts
She can’t seem to forget


This is definitely my favorite stanza, probably because of your strong word choice. Words like “abundant” and “lingering” can add so much to a poem! It’s a great way to start it off.

Heavenly invites
She boldly refused
The choices we make
We can not choose


I also wanted to mention this stanza because it is so true. Life acts in unexpected ways, and we end up choosing things that aren’t good for us, but that we have to choose anyway. Your words explain this so well and makes it sound absolutely beautiful!

Something else that I noticed in your writing is that a couple of the rhyming lines don’t quite rhyme. For example, “refused” and “choose” almost rhyme, but it is a little awkward. If you used different words, it might flow better. Of course, feel free to disregard this criticism if you are satisfied with your poem the way it is.

Overall, this is a lovely little poem that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. Keep writing! :)




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Points: 890
Reviews: 7

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Thu Feb 24, 2005 7:18 pm
haina says...



I like this. Clear and to the point.




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137 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 137

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Thu Feb 24, 2005 6:13 pm
Wulie says...



wonderful!
Powerful short snappy words vague yet so clear really god rhyming thanks for sharing it with us!!




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1258 Reviews


Points: 6090
Reviews: 1258

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Thu Feb 24, 2005 3:33 am
Sam wrote a review...



oooh..

Another great rhyming poem. Well done, guys! Not too Lucky the Leprechaun.

Anyway, I thought this poem was really good. Beautiful, more like. I really wish I could give you something helpful...but i can't think of anything at the moment.





Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
— Gretchen Wieners