Published February 22, 2005
Last sacrifice
Abundant potential
Beautiful regrets
Lingering doubts
She can’t seem to forget
Decaying in sorrow
But he will soar
For being apart
Matters no more
Dark rimmed glasses
Friday night drives
The last sacrifice
Is lost in her eyes
Overlapping memories
Sky dancers they are
He can join them
And dwell in a star
Beyond the broken road
She touched the sun
There was no choice
He was the one
Heavenly invites
She boldly refused
The choices we make
We can not choose
Her final gift was
A powerful smile
No turning back
Not for awhile
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Hello!
VioletFantasy here to give you a quick review. This poem is stunning! I love your rhyme scheme. It adds just enough rhyming without being overpowering. Also, your short lines and stanzas were very refreshing! A lot of poems are long and can be tiring to read. Your poem kept my attention the whole time.
This is definitely my favorite stanza, probably because of your strong word choice. Words like “abundant” and “lingering” can add so much to a poem! It’s a great way to start it off.
I also wanted to mention this stanza because it is so true. Life acts in unexpected ways, and we end up choosing things that aren’t good for us, but that we have to choose anyway. Your words explain this so well and makes it sound absolutely beautiful!
Something else that I noticed in your writing is that a couple of the rhyming lines don’t quite rhyme. For example, “refused” and “choose” almost rhyme, but it is a little awkward. If you used different words, it might flow better. Of course, feel free to disregard this criticism if you are satisfied with your poem the way it is.
Overall, this is a lovely little poem that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. Keep writing!
I like this. Clear and to the point.
wonderful!
Powerful short snappy words vague yet so clear really god rhyming thanks for sharing it with us!!
oooh..
Another great rhyming poem. Well done, guys! Not too Lucky the Leprechaun.
Anyway, I thought this poem was really good. Beautiful, more like. I really wish I could give you something helpful...but i can't think of anything at the moment.