Published October 25, 2007
"Leaves"
Beautiful soldiers
Marching uniformly from
The large chestnut tree
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140,917 Literary Works • 673,736 Reviews
I liked this. I'm just getting into the Haiku world of poetry myself, but I'm not so good. Look up my work; Snowdrop, and you'll see what I mean.
I liked the reference to the soldiers; it was what I would call deep and hard hitting. I think in those few lines you could've made the leaves seem more element; Autumn is beatiful afterall.
Good stuff here though.
That's a good metaphor, but I'm not a fan of Haiku's so I haven't got anything constructive to say...
Except, I noticed it could be flowing better...I'm not exactly sure how...
Also, maybe you could include the 'Soldiers fall everyday kinda like leaves' in the poem except in this phrase:
Soldiers fall fall everyday like leaves
So that people understand more about that ^^
Soldiers fall everyday kinda like leaves.
Hmm..I'm not sure I get the soilder reference...