white gold // a purity previously unknown

This is a really interesting piece, I've read it about 3 times now, and am still struggling to define exactly what you are trying to convey. I love the juxtaposition two people kissing in a church parking lot (scandalous!) and then talking about purity and redemption. It seems like you're sort of finding grace within love. You do a great job painting the scene too, with bold descriptions all around. I think I'll attempt to give you a somewhat disorganized review:

Formatting
For starters, you're formatting is very edgy. I tend to like simpler formatting, as I think often people use bold formatting to make up for poorly written poetry, and in the end it's really the words that I tend to appreciate rather than capitalization choices, stanza breaks, or fluctuating indentations. I think for your poem though, that the formatting didn't hurt your poem, and gave it some clarity in the "I say/you say" stanza/sections.

I think some of the lines get a bit wordy though. Aesthetically the 1st, 4th, and last lines are all a bit too long. and really the last stanza could be broken up or shortened as well. Structurally your poem would appear cleaner if you could make all the stanzas have 3 lines. Which could be accomplished by adding another line to the last stanza & chopping it in half. Of course this isn't vital for the meaning/beauty of your poem, but it does help make it look clean, professional & with more even stanzas I think poetry has a more regular & musical quality (I hope that all made sense, I'm rambling a bit).

Word Choice
Your word choice/unique phrasing & symbolism are some of the things I really love about this poem. One phrase that I'm not familiar with and am not quite sure what you're conveying is "chipped glass poets". The contrast between chipped glass and swallowing pearls is an interesting one. Especially since in poetry/writing you produce something and then in swallowing a pearl you would be consuming something. People also often use "pearls" to convey beauty, wisdom (Pearls of Wisdom), and elegance; so this is really a packed metaphor, and then in Shakespeare's plays swallowing pearls signifies/means taking poison! I think the connection between this metaphor and the "we all are small" line could be a little bit more concrete/spelled out. I understand both lines (I think I do at least) but their connection is a bit vague.

Two other areas of wording that I would critique in this poem would be in the 5th line "like us, but i suppose we are all small" I think you are mixing together too many pronouns in one line, it's a little bit confusing as to what you are referring to. Also the way you've phrased it, I'm not sure whether you, like the gods, don't care about "chipped glass poets" or if you are saying that you are "chipped glass poets"... perhaps adding a comma after "poets" would clarify the issue, but honestly I don't think you need the "like us" part at all. Actually that makes the stanza more interesting in my opinion, because it makes it unclear whether you are saying the gods are small or whether you are small - which is more interesting than how I originally read that line.

Next, I think you could make the lines "there it is, the sun/you should go home" flow a bit better, the meaning is clear here, but it is one part that doesn't sound very poetic and a bit clunky in the midst of a beautiful poem.

Style/Theme
The choice to avoid capitalization, I believe, is a strong choice, and helps convey the idea that they are talking about something bigger than themselves and this world ie. love & the eternal etc.

I like your first title better I think, since it's less clunky; although I think the 2nd title option has potential and is more descriptive. Maybe the second title option but with fewer words/syllables would work better, for example "a discovered purity" or "the gold of gods".

As I said earlier, I really like the themes you're working with in this poem. A lot of people are afraid to mix different themes together so we end up getting a lot of cliche love poems and shallow poems about the divine. But you have seamlessly mixed two different themes along with some ideas about humanity, nature, & mystery - crafting a beautifully complex and layered poem.

Overall Impressions

My overall impression of the "meaning" of your poem is that you are trying to convey maybe something about love being divine. Maybe you are also saying that love is redeeming/pure. This also feels sort of like a "coming of age" poem/reading in that the reader gets to read about the character discovering something important about the world & themselves but still has some juvenile self-doubt (ie. the line "maybe that's just what i'm thinking).

It's a beautiful poem to read, and I feel sort of nostalgic and pondering reading it rather than feeling that this poem is over saturated with romance or any other emotion. The descriptions, symbolism, and metaphor are unique and make this poem a really interesting read. I personally, like poetry that more concretely says what it means/paints a story, but I can also appreciate your poem's style that relies more on metaphor and description to convey meaning.

Great work, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work in the future.

--alliyah

I'm sure that if Miller or Dostoyevsky were alive to read this, they would smile brightly. They would look at each other and say "Finally, some real competition!". I absolutely adore your story. You made my heart sing with just 14 lines.

If John Green were to read this, his jaw would drop to the floor. He would start frantically pulling his hair and murmuring curses. Because this story makes "The Fault in our Stars" look like a children's book.

I adore how the lovers talk about divinity and redemption rather than typical trivial teenage matters such as prom or the math homework.

Please tell me there's a second chapter!

Awwwwww

Hey darlin!
<3

first off, I'm not sure I like the formatting you've chosen. It's such a flowy, darling theme, but the formatting just throws me off a bit. I like the italics, I'm just not crazy about the spaces and the all-overness of it.
The chipped glass poets line is my fave. I also really like the image of chipped stained glass poets, just because that'll pull in the church theme just a bit more, and kind of make the whole thing come together. I get that the pearls thing is a feature in this poetry collection you've got going on, but I'm not quite sure that it works where you have it. The image of swallowing pearls just doesn't sit right with me for some reason, and I think it could fit a lot better somewhere else in the poem.
I think another reason I'm not a big fan of that line is because of the "we are all small" line. It doesn't make sense to me. You're talking about why you don't understand why the gods would care about you, and then say everyone's small anyway, so it doesn't really matter? I don't like the image that creates, and I think you could create a much better one if you expanded a bit on why you don't think the gods would care about poets like you.

"where else am i" is awkward. I'd move the words around or change it all together.

"the forbidden, or maybe that's just what i'm thinking"
I'm not a big fan of this line either. I want some action. I want some hand holding or some kissing or something, not "maybe that's just what I'm thinking". That's too wishy washy for me. I wanna hear that something happened before the sun rose, to solidify that thought that nothing will ever be dark again.

The last two lines are a bit cliche. I love them, because I too am a lover for the cliche lines, but in another sense I know there's a better way to say what you're trying too, you know? Play around with that.

Regardless, this is a lovely poem and I absolutely adored the way it made me feel. You've got something wonderful in you, kid. Keep up the fantastic work. <3

Hey there,
Retro here!

Now I don't have much to say on the piece. It is very neat and well derived and I think it is pretty fantastic. I just have one or two points that maybe I'd consider in the piece.

My first one, "swallow pearls". Why pearls? I mean I like it as imagery but it doesn't fit within the rest of the poem. You have divinity and religoun and love and then pearl doesn't seem to fit to me. If you say communion bread I feel like it would fit more logically in the piece? I may just be nitpicking but I thought i'd mention it.

"or maybe that's just what i'm thinking" - Now there is nothing wrong with this at all, and it fits and what not but I feel as though it could be worded differently because this feels a little clunky to me. I feel as though something like "or at least its on my mind" would be somewhat punchier and aid the flow of the line because I feel like i'm playing catch up when I read it.

Now they are both very minor suggestions so please feel free to disregard them because the poem is astoundingly beautiful so bravo!

Keep up the good work,
Here if you need me
~Retro