note: this is the last poem in a long series.
Interesting use of juxtaposition here. The lack of capital letters giving an impression perhaps of apathy and defiance, and the solemness of the noun "ritual" (and the spiritual implications this entails) lends a paradoxical quality - in that the subject seems to wish to escape or rebel, yet is still confined by the rites of society (the actions of brushing your teeth, looking at oneself in the mirror, surviving). The use of the verb "decay" implies that these rituals are the fragile bedrock on which civilisation (and perhaps the subject's existence in civilisation) stands, and so lends a certain insecurity to the poem's tone. My main criticism is that the poem seems a little unrealised. Although the ambiguity makes it compelling and thought-provoking, this ambiguity means that the meaning is somewhat lost along the way. Perhaps if the ideas were developed further, and with greater clarity, there would be less need to speculate. However, this takes little from the intriguing nature of the poem. I can't wait to read some of your other works.
Hey there! MJ stopping by for a (poor attempt at a) review!First of all, what did the 2 lines in the middle of the second line mean? If it was symbolic or metaphorical, I didn't catch the meaning. It seemed to me like a line break in the middle of the line, but if you could clear that up for me, it would be much appreciated. And as the final of my grammatical nitpicks, I think that 'through ritual', in the second to last line. I think that 'routine' would fit better there, since ritual seems to generally mean a spiritual ritual. When I think of "ritual", the image that comes to mind is a dramatic ceremony in an old temple, complete with human sacrifices and all that. Since I'm assuming that's not what you mean, routine might be better here. I also didn't see how the title fit in. There was no farewell or parting of anything that happened in this poem, and therefore the title "Goodbye" gave the reader an idea of a poem that was a melancholy farewell, like two friends parting. Perhaps a better title here would be "Girl-Without-Soul", or something along those lines. Your comparison to the mouth was my favorite part of this poem, since it was a very good analogy, especially the mention of how it was cold and rough-edged, fragile, but savable. I thought that was really creative and clever, and can't wait to read more! If you have any questions, feel free to let me know, and I'll do my best to answer.Best wishes,MJ
Hi there Silverhanded! This is Kays here dropping in for a review on a lovely morning. Haven't seen your poetry around in awhile! I missed your presence in the section so I'm glad that you're back with content for me to poke at. I haven't been poeting/posting as much lately either, so I can't say too much! Without further ado, let's review.First of all, I'm wondering about the rest of the series. Is there a continuous narrative? Are you going to eventually post these other parts? Doesn't seem so, but I wanted to let you know I'd be interested in reading them anyway if they aren't already posted. No pressure of course! Anyway, I can say that this poem is pretty minimalist in style. I'm not as fond of the first two lines here as I am of the rest of the poem. The same tone exists throughout the whole poem but there's a shift in thought after the second line ends. I enjoy the last four lines more because I get what they're saying right away. I understand the theme that's being portrayed. In contrast, the first two lines are a little more subtle, almost too subtle, with the message. Perhaps changing 'correlation' to 'connection' to be a bit more direct? I can see that the speaker is talking about how fearlessness is often connected to sociopathy. I'm guessing 'mirror-avoidant' is to say that the speaker doesn't like looking at themselves or doesn't like being in pictures (probably the former if anything, you'd have put 'photo-avoidant' if you meant that instead). The 'ignorant' is directed to those who believe that fearlessness and sociopathy are the same? These first two lines could've been longer and more in-depth with their points and you chose to do them in this form. I find that quite interesting! They're quite minimal and for the most part only include what's absolutely needed. Overall this poem hurts. The part about mouth and teeth hits hard and I didn't expect anything less from a piece of yours. Nice job on that. I'd like to be filled in on what the first two lines mean just out of curiosity and my interpretation is still that those openers are saying that fearlessness and sociopathy are different. Fearlessness isn't fear at all while sociopaths (excuse me if I get this wrong, I'm not an expert in this area of mental illness) fear losing control or being exposed or just in small doses. From what I know, psychopaths...don't feel fear? Sociopaths feel little. Egh, I am sorry if I'm butchering this and I assume you know more about that than I do but the point is, I want to understand what the first two lines were intended to mean. I'll have to put research into those topics. Again, lovely poem. Apologies that the review is sub-par but there's not much critique to give for a poem that deserves praise. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day. Toodles!
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