Published July 1, 2010
Alone,
The darkness overthrows the light.
The words float in the air.
They disguise the feeling of worthless.
Together,
A mask is built.
A little bit of happiness,
A pinch of excitement,
And a teaspoon of hope,
That’s all it takes to fool the world.
Worthless, selfish, nothing;
They float like never-ending smoke,
Spouting from the cruel chasms of the mind.
A masked ball of sorts,
Thousands and thousands of masks.
They walk among us,
Hiding an identity
Few will ever know.
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140,828 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey there, twin!
I enjoyed reading this piece.
It had a nice flow.
There's a slight mistake though.
I agree with f1shes on this point.
The 'feeling of worthless' should've been the 'feeling of worthlessness'. Or maybe.. 'They disguise their worthlessness'.
Or something along those lines.
Good job on this piece!
Keep writing!
I really like this piece. Especially your varying of structure in the lines and stanzas. The one thing I thought was that this line
Might flowing better if it was Disguising the feeling of worthlessness. Or, in the least, it could be changed to worthlessness.
This stanza was absolutely wonderful in my opinion. I especially like the alliteration in the last line.
Thanks for the great read!
all i have to say on this matter is that this poem is really good keep it up!
Hello, I'm CuteBalletDancer7
Ohhh(: I really like this poem! I thought that the poem has a nice flow to it and great word choice.
I think my favorite lines are:
The 3rd, 4th, and 5th lines are great. It was those lines that kept me reading.
I'm not sure what to edit, but it was indeed a really good poem. Keep writing!