The tall grass and prickly weeds scraped against my pale legs as I stumbled through the thick darkness. There were no stars shining in the sky tonight, just an endless sea of black. The air was unusually cold for a summer night, and it had a stale taste to it. It seemed as if Mother Nature knew that something terrible had just happened, and now the world was in mourning. Or perhaps it was just me.
I knelt down into the soft cushion of the grass, and slid the young girl out of my arms. I tried my best to cover her body with the grass and leaves, as if they could protect her from any wild animals. Not that it really made a difference because she was already gone.
I squinted my blue eyes to try and get a better look at her, but it was just too dark. She was merely a shadow. I brushed her greasy hair away from her bruised face. Closing my eyes to keep the tears from pouring out, I kissed her gently on her forehead. I let my cheek rest there, and then felt along the ground until I found her hand. I slipped my fingers through hers, and squeezed tightly. Her hand was cold in comparison to mine. I stayed like that for a timeless moment. I hoped, foolishly hoped, that if I stayed there long enough, that maybe she would open her eyes or squeeze her hand in response. But she didn’t. Of course she couldn’t.
Finally I let go of her, and pushed myself to my feet. I wiped my eyes and sniffled a few times as I walked back towards the road. I couldn’t let him know that I had been crying. He hates when I cry. He hates a lot of things.
The walk back was far too short. Before I knew it, I was pulling open the door to the charcoal truck and breathing in that warm, musty smell that it has had for as long as I can remember. I climbed through the passenger door, and saw his small, dark eyes fixated on me. The intensity of his stare forced me to look away. I tugged the door shut, abandoning my last few moments of fresh, open air.
“Took you long enough. What’d you do? Dig a hole with your hands and bury the thing?” Jeremy’s eyebrows were pulled in tight together, and his voice was tinged with aggravation.
Keeping my eyes focused on a coffee stain that interrupted the smooth gray of the dashboard, I quietly responded, “No. I just took her far into the field. Just like you told me to.” My tensed body tried to shrug casually, but it turned out stiff and awkward.
I could feel his eyes on me, like an itch right below your shoulders that you can never seem to reach. Finally, his emotionless voice broke through the dense silence, “You were crying again weren’t you. Out there. That’s why you took so long.”
I chewed on the inside of my lip and twirled a strand of my long brown hair, as I sat in silence.
From my peripheral vision I could see Jeremy shaking his head. There was a thud as his right hand collided with the worn steering wheel. “Jeez, Lauren. Why do you have to care so damn much?”
My head whipped around to face him. With my eyes stretched wide open, I snapped, “Why don’t you care so much? I mean, do you feel anything at all? Anything?” My voice cracked at the end.
Jeremy put the keys in the ignition, and the truck began to hum as it started up. With his eyes on the blackened road he said, “I don’t feel like having this conversation. So just shut up about it, will ya.”
We drove in silence for the next half hour. Neither of us had anything worth saying, and the things that I actually wanted to say, I couldn’t. Jeremy and I didn’t talk a lot. This was partly because there wasn’t much that we wanted to talk about, and partly because he got angry easily. I had to watch what I said around him. Well, I had to watch what I said in general, since I was not with him by choice.
While I listened to the purring of the engine, and watched the black of the night zip past us, my mind wandered back to when I was twenty-two. The night when my old life ended.
My eyes opened, but I still found myself engulfed in darkness. I had no idea where I was or what had happened. Everything was a blur. Then the back of my head began to throb. The pulsing pain brought back the memory of being hit over the head by some masked person. Dressed all in black, it didn’t even seem like a person, but rather some ghostly figure. Silent and swift. I hadn’t noticed him or her until it was too late.
My tired eyes scanned the small rectangular room, once they had adjusted to the faint lighting. There were no windows, only four walls, which were all painted a dull white, but had begun to peel in multiple places. The ground was a cold concrete. Actually, the entire room had an unsettling coolness to it. The room also had a subtle smell of mold, which I wouldn’t be surprised to find growing down here. Whoever owned this place clearly had no intention of keeping it in good condition.
My fuzzy mind had finally begun to awaken, and a sickening thought struck me. Who did own this place, and what did they want with me? Were they going to kill me? Torture me? Oh my god. Tears gathered on the rim of my lower lashes. Seconds later they streamed down my face like a waterfall. They were thick and endless. My chest was starting to ache from my laboured breathing. I had to get out of here. I just had to get home.
I hadn’t noticed it initially, but there was a door in the far left corner of the room. It was painted the same white as the walls, and there was a shadow casted over it, which was probably why it had gone unnoticed. The rusty handle was turning as someone swung open the door. A figure walked through. I couldn’t make out his or her features until the person stepped out into the dim lighting. It was a man who looked to be in his late twenties. He had to be close to six-feet tall, and of slightly larger than average build. The man had dark brown hair, and small dark brown eyes.
I wanted to get up and run, but I had nowhere to go. Even if I had someplace to hide, I couldn’t move. My body was immobile. The moment my eyes locked with his, my brain shut down. I couldn’t think, move, or react. I just sat there like some stupid doll on strings, waiting for a command.
He slowly strode towards me, never leaving his eyes from mine. When he was a foot away from where I was sitting, he asked, “Want a blanket? It’s a little drafty down here.”
I stared blankly at him. Was he seriously asking if I wanted a blanket? Was this a joke? A trick? I wasn’t too sure how to respond, so I sat in silence.
My abductor came a little closer, and then sat cross-legged on the concrete floor in front of me. He reached his left hand out towards me, and caught a tear as it glided down my cheek. His touch sent a cold chill down my spine.
“It’s okay, Lauren. Don’t cry. I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice was unnervingly calm.
“Wha-what do…do you want the-then?”I stuttered through my tears.
His thin lips pulled up into a smile and his eyes gleamed. “I want to be with you.”
That was six years ago. Jeremy never hurt me, like he said he wouldn’t, but he never let me go either. He told me I was his partner, but I felt like his prisoner. I haven’t seen my family or friends in six years, who must all assume that I am dead right now. Why wouldn’t they? If Jeremy wasn’t so obsessed with me, he would have killed me years ago. He can’t kill me, because he can’t live without me, but he can kill.
“I want to go hunting tomorrow.” Jeremy’s voice broke me from my thoughts.
“Humph?” I mumbled, still in a daze.
“Tomorrow we are going hunting.”
Every muscle in my body tensed. It took me a moment to respond because my throat had dried up. “What? Why?”
“Because I want to and because I said so.”
“But… you just… that girl. You can’t.” My mind couldn’t even process the words.
“Yes I can, and yes we are.” He said with a calm determination.
I wanted to argue, but I knew there was no choice. We always did what Jeremy said. I was his prisoner after all.
When we got home, I went straight up to bed. I didn’t say a word to Jeremy, or even look at him. He didn’t seem to be bothered by it, or to have even noticed that anything was wrong with me, but then again, it is hard to tell what he is thinking.
I quickly slipped into my cheap, cotton pajamas, and then collapsed into the double bed that we shared. I didn’t actually fall asleep, but rather laid there and cried. I’m not too sure how long I was crying for, but I did manage to fall asleep before he came up to bed. I guess exhaustion finally caught up with me.
When I woke up, I already knew that it was too early. I looked over at my alarm clock. It was 3:30 exactly. Creepy. A thought then entered my mind as abruptly as I had woken up. It was twisted, and completely against my beliefs, but I knew that it was the only way out.
I silently lifted the covers off of myself and tip-toed out of our room. I couldn’t see anything, but I knew this small house well enough that it didn’t really matter. I made my way down the hall, and to the kitchen. Without flipping on the light switch, I crept over to the knife rack. I pulled out the largest one from its slot, as if it were a sword. I gripped the smooth handle so tightly that my nails were beginning to pierce my skin, but I barely noticed.
I stood in the middle of the kitchen and listened for any sign that Jeremy had gotten out of bed. With every second that passed, my anxiety grew. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, and I knew that he would be able to hear it too.
Finally I could no longer take the anticipation, so I tip-toed back to our room. When I reached our opened door, I stood with my back to the wall outside of it. Again I listened. Aside from my pulse, the only sound that I could hear was the slow ticking of the hallway clock. Tick, tick, tick. A muscle in my shoulder twitched. I looked down at the blade, and realized that my hand was shaking violently.
I took a deep breath in. On the exhale I slipped into the darkness of our room. My eyes automatically narrowed in on the bed. A smile danced along my lips when I saw that he was still sleeping; still oblivious. I slid my bare feet along the soft carpet. My eyes were focused on him the entire time. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. I tried taking a deep breath in to calm myself, but my breath got caught in the back of my throat.
When I finally reached his side of the bed I stopped. Standing over him, I tried to raise the arm that still clutched the knife, but I couldn’t. I was frozen. It was just like that first night. I was numb and unable to process anything. My eyes darted between him and the blade. I knew that I had to kill him. It was the only way for me to be free, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I hated him, I truly hated him, but he was all that I had. After six years of being away from my family, how would I find them? Where would I even go to look? Would they even want me now? Tears blurred my vision. Of course they wouldn’t want me now. It’s been too long. They have all moved on, and I can’t just go and intrude on their lives. I’m stupid and selfish for even thinking that I could.
I turned on my heel to put the knife back in the kitchen, when I heard Jeremy stir. I spun back around, and watched him with wide eyes. He murmured something that I couldn’t decipher. He brought his arm up and scratched his head. He then tossed it onto my pillow. The pillow that I’m supposed to be sleeping on. I watched as his eyelids fluttered. Oh my god.
He opened his eyes and looked directly at me. “Lauren?”
And that’s all he said. That’s all he could ever say.
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