I hide under my tongue,
keeping your name safe,
for lady out loud,
I can't give enough back,
strength is my weakness and exhaustion
come back to life, here.
Terra.
And I will love you in all my unskilled ways,
Because you are worth my pain,
and inept knowledge.
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hi there. Thank you for writing this beautiful poem. I really like your use of the single word 'Terra.' on the seventh line. To me, it really conveys a sense of affection and longing which I think is part of what the poem conveyed to me as a whole. The use of starting a few of your lines with 'I' makes the tone feel secretive and personal throughout. I love your use of juxtaposition through 'safe' and 'weakness', and 'love' and 'pain', you get a sense of conflict and inner turmoil. Overall I enjoyed it
Thank you!
I enjoyed the poem.This person,the narrator,would do anything to protect their loved ones.Even if it hurts them in the process,because they are helping their loved one out.Clearly the narrator feels as if the pain is worth it,because the person is worth it.If the person means something to you,then they’re worth it.Good poem.I hope you have a awesome and lovely day and night.
Thank you!
For a fallen Angel, here seems to be the earth and you are trying to convey your feelings to her. I don't know if that was it but it was a fresh read. Though you could use a more solid phrases to convey your message as it's all to vague. But certain lines like:
"strength is my weakness and exhaustion"
This line,for some reason, seemed so pretty, saying the strength is a weakness as well as an exhaustion.
Have a great day ahead!!!
Thank you! (copy paste lies)
Hi! Let me get right into the review
My impression here is that there seems to be roughly two themes you're talking about here (hiding or concealing yourself, as well as someone else, and a progression from being anxious about reciprocating enough to committing to.
I'm not sure if there are some typos here, because I couldn't immediately parse some lines, for example
or the fifth and sixth lines.
One nitpick is the last line; to me, it reads "Because you are worth my pain and inept knowledge", but I don't quite see how someone would be worth another person's inept knowledge (or how knowledge would be inept; perhaps "labour" or "toil" would work better there?)
I think the other thing that would, at least to me, really add to the poem would be a bit more elaboration. For example, after the 8th line, you could describe concrete clumsy but genuine attempts at conveying that affection?
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On the whole, the idea and themes here seem good; my main issues were some hard-to-parse lines, and some nitpicks about word choice.
Thank you!