This has been deleted sorry on this page is the same thing in my other portfolio. XD
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138,078 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Well what i did was the first one was a short story and the this one is part of a novel the other one was going to be a short story but then i made the second chapter
hi... I reviewed this piece the other day. Or I should say, the other copy of this piece you have on the website. Did you do that intentionally, because you weren't sure it had posted correctly? Either way I'm a little confused
It does appear to be exactly the same as your other version...
Your punctuation is off in the first paragrpah. It seems really strange your piece. Not the idea, but your layout. To me it is random. I am sorry, but I can't read your piece. In my honest opinion it is unreadable. You NEED to edit this. There is a lack of punctuation, your grammar is off and the characters don't seem to put much enthusiasm in their dialogue. If you are serious about this story, and wnat to carry it on, then I suggest you improve on the whole technical aspect of things. Unfortunately, at the moment, I am lost.