Published April 17, 2011
I am here, you are there.
I wish there was more to what we share.
We are best friends. Yet, I find myself wanting you.
The smiles you give me and the hugs you steal...They rip me apart and my mind reels.
You don't feel the same and you never will.
We are best friends and will remain so still.
I wish you could see the way I feel about you.
Maybe you would change and see I am here too.
You have tried love before and I know it hurt you.
Now I want to show you the love I could give you
Here I am.
Waiting for you....To see that I care.
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140,949 Literary Works • 673,781 Reviews
Hi! The first thing that stands out to me about this poem is the italics. You are using the italics for emphasize, but it really isn't necessary, and draws attention away from the poem.
Second, you are trying too hard to rhyme. i.e you tried to rhyme (in a row) you, too, you, you. In general, a word does not rhyme with itself. I think this poem would be fine without the 'forced' rhyme.
I like this poem. It tells the story well, and gives a lot of information. I think if you work on it a little more, mainly the rhyme, it will be great!
Sage
I think it's an awesome poem, and should be in the poem section too. Anyway keep writing and have fun!
This is more of a lyric poem than a romantic story.
However i like it, it's good.
Carry on writing!
Firstly, try not to put colour to your posts. Its a bit... too much.
Secondly, is this not poetry? I would put this in the lyrical poetry section.