z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Identity

by shipra10


It's hard to introduce myself

When I am the sun skirting over the horizon,

When I am the frost of the North

Making the nature more sedate.

Somewhere far or near,

I am playing with the aurora's glow.

Fog of winter embraces my soul slow.

Every night, before the moon gleams,

I decorate those beams

To satiate the thirst.

In the cranky wood,

When the glow worms hold a ceremony,

I eavesdrop their stories.

The grig sings lullaby at night.

This lullaby is my story.

I am the giggle of a baby.

I jumble with the fluxing icy breeze.

Then,as soon as I touch the nature,

It jiggles in a harmonious way.

Thus I have lost myself in this maze.

Yet I am me

This me utters those unuttered tales

Which makes the silence dearer,

Dreams perpetual.

It's my infinite infinitude.

Yet here lies my identity.

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386 Reviews

Points: 27684
Reviews: 386

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Thu May 09, 2019 6:31 am
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @shipra10 I am here to do a reel quick review, so I just remmembered that you asked me to give you some ad vise on this so here I am.

Thoughts about the poem

so I think that your did really, really well for your first poem, this was lovely to read, and to be one'st i don't really think there is much to improve on, also I agree with @FlamingPhoeinx about your name, it sounds wonderful, I don't really have much to say other then I think you did a grate and spun take you leer job. I also agree with @brookeallo of what they said as well, so yes I think those two reviews covered everything that needs to be done. this was a great poem to read, and I think you should write more like it.

what were my favorite lines of the poem

It's hard to introduce myself
this line feels really true and reel I just feel like this one stuck out to me because, sometimes it can be hard to introduce yourself. so really this was a great start to the poem

So that is all that I can really say about it. So keep up the great poem writing you are great at it. Never stop writing, and don't let someone tell you what to do when it comes to writing make your on choices and make them wisely. :D

@EagleFly Out To Seek And Kill




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616 Reviews

Points: 122617
Reviews: 616

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Mon Apr 01, 2019 7:23 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, I'm FlamingPhoenix and I am here to leave a review on your work, on this lovely day. I'll try and make it short.

Let's begin with the review.
Okay to start off I'm going to point out the small thing I saw that could be changed but that is all up to you.

Fog of winter embraces my soul slow.

So the word in bold 'slow' in my opinion I think it could be changed to slowly, it will make the sentence sound a little better, but that is all up to you. Even if you don't change it this is till a really good sentence.

Okay now that was wall I could see, so onto the good stuff.

So I was looking though the green room looking for something to review when my eye read your name, and I new i had to come read this. It's a really good sine that your name just drew me in, so great job.
What really shocked me is that this is your first poem, and it is really well written, I don't think I can make my poems this good yet, and surely not my first one! So you have done an amazing job.
I really liked how everything flowed, it just made it so easy to read and under stand. You put all your punctuation in the right place, and some of your words rimed really well, and that made it a lot more enjoyable.
I also picked up on some of the emotion you put into your poem, and it went really well with what words you chose. I think out of all the words you could have chosen for this poem, I think you chose the best!

I really loved reading and reviewing your poem, and helping you get it out the green room. I do hope you will never stop writing and will keep writing just amazing works. Because they are a joy to read. I hope you have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




shipra10 says...


Thanks a lot for your review. :)





Your welcome, I'm glad I could help. :)



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Points: 201
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Mon Apr 01, 2019 4:35 am
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brookeallo wrote a review...



For someones first poem this is really good but I wish I could have connected more to it. I feel like the job of a poem is to get the reader to understand what your feeling and in this all I got was that its hard for you to describe yourself because there are so many things that go into who you are as a person and that is a good message/theme but the poem could have flowed together neater and I would suggest maybe using different adjectives that relate more to what your describing in the line. You start a few lines with the word, "when," and I feel like if you used a different word for each line and just kept the first when it might flow better. You should really continue to write poetry for a persons first poem that is really good and you seem to have a more complex vocabulary range which can help it seem more professional.




shipra10 says...


Thanks for your review. :)




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