This is a religious poem, more on the spiritual side than physical. Maybe, knowing this, you will understand it better.
"Hush, Hush, come join us."
Their voices snake around me
Those behind shielded eyes, heads turned away,
Shuddering, trying to ignore the light.
Attempting to clothe me in darkness,
Their darkness, enveloping their shoulders.
"Be the same! Be the same!" they chant,
Throwing their cloak over my head.
But sooner or later, it falls away
Letting the light burn their eyes.
Their sorrow, anger, frustration
Slaps me...turn the other cheek.
Their master seethes with such rage,
The entire world, his world, recoils;
But the heavens be still
And so am I.
"Turn it off! Turn it off!"
Their incantations proceed on command,
Their puppet strings thrashing angrily about
As their master does his work.
Their chanting becomes louder
Resounding as one, a drum's beat.
Their master cuts their threads;
They collapse, their purpose fulfilled.
Glistening bony hands reach over the bodies,
Crimson with his puppets' blood.
Claws spread wide to pierce my flesh;
Still I stand, arms held high.
What goes on now, I know not,
For how could one, with closed eyes?
I am rising, but feel no pain;
My lids get lighter, and I look.
Here I stand, square in His palm.
Below, His foot rests on their master.
Looking back up, I smile, arms still raised;
He smiles at me; Abba, Daddy.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
I like this, it has excellent imagery and an awesome theme. I love it. It sent a chilled my spine. I agree with everyone else. I don't really have any critiques, your grammar was spot on as far as I could tell. Lovely poem. One of the best I've read in a long time. Wow. Wish there was a love button. Sorry I don't have any critiques.
-tgirly
This is a beautiful poem. It is frightening at times, yet makes me want to stand up and say, "I read the end of the story, and we win!" The whole thing is like a poignant reminder of what's really important. Your imagery is well done, and the poem flowed very well.
This stanza... It made a shiver run through me. I could picture it, in a dream-like way. I have read several hundred poems in my life and this is the first one I have been able to picture so clearly. Especially that part.
If you are talking about their sorrow, anger, and frustrations, it should be "slap", not "slaps". There is a grammatical term for that, but I'm not sure what it is.
That last phrase is a reminder that I need time and again.
Did you mean "so do I"? I think that would make more sense... If that is what you were trying to say of course.
The ending was... Lovely. Very powerful.
Ahh, so beautiful. So powerful. It brought tears to my eyes.
Dude your poem confuses me.
But the imagery's great and it seems to have a story to it. I like it. But it still confuses me. Maybe that's why I like it.
This has an amazing imagery to it I can imagine all that is happening in this stanza.
This is seriously scary but in an awesome way it makes me scared...You know what i'm saying?
This is an awesome poem with great Imagery I can sense the emotions and description in this peice.