Peanut Butter and Jelly

So for all the people who read my lost post, this is a little longer and its a little more thought out, but it isn't the same story. Also, as you will soon see i can't spell! So if I can get someone to hardcore edit this that would be greatly appreciated I hope you guys enjoy and look for more , I'm really in love with this plot so look for PB&J 2 and 3 and more!

When Anjelina was three- only three months after her little brother, James, was born- when her parents agreed to disagree and got a divorce. It was a long, ugly, drawn-out process that lasted five years. During this time Anjelina spent next to no time with her mother. Anjelina had never been paticularly fond of her mother. She had never really been there in her life. Alway distant, never really concerned with her well being. When Anjelina broke her arm in the fifth grade her mother had rushed into the emergency room, frantic and worried, five hours after the arm had been set. Anjelina and her father had left hours earlier. When her mother had arrived at the house her dad had laughed at her amused at what she called 'on time.' Anjelina hid in the nursery as har parents dueled it out, her mother crazy mad, her dad laughing at her mother's weak punches. After that Anjelina only saw her mohter at hearings when there were disputes over who got what in the divorce. Anjelina knew her mother fought hard to win custody of the children and for years Anjelina waited with baited breath. Relief flooded through her when her dad won. Finally when it was all settled her mother, utterly spent and beaten over the divorce, fled to Hawaii, tail between her legs, head hung in shame. Ten years had passed sice Anjelina had last seen her, tear streaks decorating her cheeks, fifeteen minutes before her plane boarded. A dreadful image that seemed to fit the situation.

But the memory was highlighted with happiness. She had been eight but her dad had let her bring her two best friends along. They were somber as they said good-bye, but the hour long ride home had been fun, joking and laughing, as if the rift in her family didn't exsist. Jacob and Maelynn had been in her life forever. Well not technically. She could still remember the day they had met.

She'd befriened Maelynn on the first day of kindergarten, the only girls who hadn't squeled at the giant trantuala in the terrarium in the classroom. They had stuck together ever since, two peas in a pod. And Jacob had jumped aboard in the third grade. He was quiet and shy and a real nerd but he fit because of his love for the little sand casltes he built at lunch with the assitance of his two best frinends. He grew into a mini archetech and watched Anjelina grow into a rebelious rocker, and Maelynn into a loyal fashoinista who always stuck up for her buds and of course Maelynn never lost the craziness that had bonded them together.

But Anjelina was forever haunted by the spirti of her mother. Her name had been her mother's choice and Anjalina hated it. When they were ten Maelynn and Anjelina were having a slumber party, Jacob absent beacause of the death of his father. They were sad for his loss but Jacob had forbid them from not having fun that weekend, so they tried thier best. During a lull between one activity and the next Maelynn had asked Anjelina if she wanted a nickname, one that only she and Jacob could call her. Anjelina had agreed, with the conditon that she find a nickname for Maelynn, they had thought on it for hours. When Anjelina finally figured one out it seemed so simple. Mae. That was it. But Mae had to think a little harder. She knew Anjelina wouldn't be happy with a normal, average nickname, like Anjie, Angel, or Lina. So she turned it over in her mind. She figured it out when they made lunch the next day. Peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches. "Jelly!" She exclaimed knowing it was perfect. Confused and startled Anjelina dropped the jelly jar on the floor shattering it and spilling its contents across the floor. Though they had gotten in heaps of trouble for the sticky mess, Jelly stuck and from then on she was Jelly Alex Wesleay, her dads daughter, not Anjelina Alexandra Wesleay, her mother's child.

As much as she tried to sepeate herself from that woman she still couldn't change her genome. Her hair which had been blonde to begin with had darkened to near black, like her mother's. It was curly and earractic and uncontrlable and spent its time tied up in a ponytail. Just like her mother. And her eyes were exact copies and she knew it pained her father to look into there blue-green hazel deaths. But she was only her mother's on the outside. On the inside she loved her dad and her friends even her annoying little brother but she hated rules and regulations. Censors on her thoughts and feelings, but she was not going to let society rule who she was, what she was. She wouldn't let her mother define her, she wouldn't let anyone else define her. She nourished the feeling of resentment with her love for music. Rebel Rock, is what jacob called the music that Jelly loved playing so much. Though it wasn't as rock as metal or scremo it always told of the hardships of the things she did to please people, things she detested. Like lying to her dad about where she went at night, telling him she was with Mae or Jacob when she really was with the boyfriend her dad couldn't stand. Of course Jelly never went far with Mike, she wasn't in love with him. And her dad wasn't in love with him either. She knew how much it would pain him to know she was only dating him to stick it to the man. He was a rebel too but he didn't seemed to get it. He oly thought it was cool not a passion and a belief. The songs also spoke of the things she was expected to do.

Jelly was smart and a talented musician and she had been born, unfortanatly, torn between the two very differeent world of science and music. She knew how proud her dad would be if she chose science, becam a doctor or a marine biologist. But she knew her heart lay with her guitar and the magic of her voice. Music was the freedom she longed for, no rules, nothing tying her down her imaginition.

So Jelly made it through middle school and through high school her friends and her music making this life bearable. Now she sat in her last class od high school ever. AP Biology, her hardest class. But still with half and hour of class left she had finished the final and she was thinking nervously of college. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that she had passed, and now college loomed before threating to colapse her heart. At least thats what it felt like it was beating so hard. But she still had to get through the summer. It was going to be amazing/ Mae and Jacob and her were going to rent a car for two weeks and drive as far and as fast as they could. They had a couple of stops on the docket but ohter then that they were going to just wing it. And thd rest of the summer would be spent lazing by the pool and packing all her stuff for Florida, where her college of choice was. it was with ot a dout going to be the greatest adventure of her life.

Next to her Mae sneezed, to loud and obnoxoius to be real. Mae sneezed like a cat, quiet and lady-like. Jelly shot a look in her direction. She knew she shouldn't hav esat nhext to her for this final. If Mae caused her to fail she wold personally choke the living daylights out of her. She heard Jacob sniker behind her trying to stifle a laugh at Mae's noise-making. He knew she couldn't stand the dead scilence that had permeated every class today.

Thanks to everyone who reads this and helps out. :D :D

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All right thaks for the help. I've punched it into a better processer and checked the spelling and followed most of your recomendations. So how do I post the edited version? I have no clue. Also I know you must have been frustrated by all the fragments, but I guess that's just my writing style. I've noticed it a lot. Some of them I will change but others are there on purpose for emphasis and stuff. THaks though for your help.

User avatar
youreit
Review
youreit wrote a review · Sat Jan 30, 2010 3:45 am

youreit here, and although editing isn't my favorite thing in the world to do, I read the first sentence of your story and couldn't go on without fixing it for you. Just a quick word of advice, though. You need to learn to edit your own work if you want to be a writer. You don't always have someone to do it for you, and although it's painful, it's extremely necessary. At the very least, plug your writing into a word processer and let it check your spelling.


When Anjelina was three- only three months after her little brother, James, was born- when her parents agreed to disagree and got a divorce.


You used when twice. You need to delete one, preferably the second one.

During this time Anjelina spent next to no time with her mother.


Insrt a comma after time.

Anjelina had never been paticularly fond of her mother.


Particularly is missing an r.

She had never really been there in her life. Alway distant, never really concerned with her well being.


The first sentence is confusing, and the second is a fragment. Always is missing an s.

When Anjelina broke her arm in the fifth grade her mother had rushed into the emergency room, frantic and worried, five hours after the arm had been set.


Insert a comma after grade, and start a new paragraph with this sentence.

Anjelina and her father had left hours earlier. When her mother had arrived at the house her dad had laughed at her amused at what she called 'on time.'


Insert a comma after house and laughed at her.

Anjelina hid in the nursery as har parents dueled it out, her mother crazy mad, her dad laughing at her mother's weak punches.


Har should be her, and the end of the sentence should say, "her mother crazy mad and her dad laughing at her mother's weak punches."

After that Anjelina only saw her mohter at hearings when there were disputes over who got what in the divorce.


Start a new paragraph with this sentence, insert a comma after that, and mother is misspelled.

Anjelina knew her mother fought hard to win custody of the children and for years Anjelina waited with baited breath.


Insert a comma after children.

Relief flooded through her when her dad won. Finally when it was all settled her mother, utterly spent and beaten over the divorce, fled to Hawaii, tail between her legs, head hung in shame.


There should be a comma after finally and I would rethink the second sentence if I were you. It's confusing.

Ten years had passed sice Anjelina had last seen her, tear streaks decorating her cheeks, fifeteen minutes before her plane boarded. A dreadful image that seemed to fit the situation.


Since is misspelled, and so is fifteen. The second sentence is a fragment.

I think you get the picture. The idea of the story is good. But try to edit your posts before you submit them.

Thanks, youreit



I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.
— Pablo Neruda