Published March 23, 2010
I wasn't sure where this went so I decided to play it safe and stick it here. Please reaview. Tell me if it makes any sense. Thanks.
I always think of him at this time of year. The air is as light and I can breathe really deep and it reminds of that last summer before 7th grade. That last summer when things were -and I was- still normal. Kathy was my best girl friend, I didn’t go to church and it seemed that Logan and I would be best friends forever.
Now he’s gone and I’m too much of a wimp to try and get him back. I can see myself standing on his porch. Praying his mother or his little sister, whoever answered the door, wouldn’t recognize me, but also hoping that he would. And that he remembered. Remembered like I do. Every laugh we shared, every smile. When he taught me to skateboard, when Jessica teased me about liking Andrew, going to Water World and Elitches, when I said good-bye that last time not knowing I would never see him again, we would barely call, and then not at all.
I miss him and it makes me wonder if he misses me. Or does he not even care? I don’t know and part of me is curious and want to find out. But part of me id beyond caring. He’s gone I should just leave it alone. The wimpy part of me (the bigger part) wants to be brave, and have the curious side win. But the brave part of me wants to be wimpy and just stop caring in general. I don’t know any more. I’m just so lost.
All I want to do is not hurt over him anymore.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I think the biggest problem with this piece is that it's very shallow. You name off all these events that the characters shared, but you don't describe why these events were important, and that's where the meat of the relationship came from. You have a choice to make. Either you go back through all of these events and you give us reasons to care about them, or you stick to the present and only the feeling of loss, without having to name all the previous events. Make us feel the regret, too. ^_^
Let me know if you have any questions, okay? ^_^
-Hannah-
I liked this!
it was really interesting, and a great sample of your story. could you give me a PM when you put more up? I would love to read them! thanks a lot! 
I loved this! It really doesn't describe anything, and yet I am dying to know more. It would be a great prologue! PM me if you write any more!
Id shouldbe is, thats all I could see for you to fix.
It's definately a good start and you should keep going with it. PM me if you add anymore and let me know.
~ Bri
Hi! I'm Bek
I agree with Julide--it's cool and poetic and stuff but there should be...more. It would be a great prologue; I'd buy it if it was the first page of a book. If I had money.
I thought this was poetic, I just wish it was a bit longer, but I guess your building excitment. Hope to read more.