z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Letter from Utopia

by shima


It is amazing here. Beatifull and unique. It does not resemble our world at all;. I think this is one awesome place ! The weather here is always sunny. I wish you would be here with me, so you can see this land of wonders. They have sun galleons here, can you imagine that ? Sun Galleons, like in your favorite childhood movie . It is always peacefull and calm here. Humanity has conquered the whole universe, thanks to diplomacy. . They don’t have sickness or poverty on this planet. Their police – monkey guards, famous through the universe – cannot be racist or corrupt. They are robots and as such they won’t attack you because of your race or ethics. You cannot bribe them, since they are impartial. And no beggars on the streets, all send out to fabrics outside the city where they can work. There are no borders, since every country in the whole world has made peace with Earth. All the citizens are happy here. . Everybody has an incredible life, everybody is just brimming with joy. . There is still work, of course. . But the loans are equally distributed and everyone can do what he or she wants! And the city’s, oh, what are that for cities ! Buildings dissapearing into the blue sky, connected through wooden brigdes betweens which gondolas fly. Build with the help of the unlimited resources that we have found on other planets. . Gebouwd op de oneindige resources die de mensen van deze aarde hebben gevonden op andere planeten. There are only pure, non-fossil fuels here, ones that do not destroy or pollute the earth. . We don’t use coal or oil, no need to utilize the earth for your own means! Everything comes from the sun and water.

En the sunset is just amazing ! Two suns, can you imagine that ? The second one was made in order to supply all the need for sun-energy we have. We invented the sun. A extra sun for our nice little planet.

There are no wars, since they all have been fought and won. Everywhere, on each planet there is peace and joy, no pirates or thieves to steal your clothes and kill your families.

No pain and no suffering, since the people are born without the ability to have diseases or suffer in any way possible. . Just working on the work you love and the party and dance the whole night through.

This world is just to good to be true…

And how are you ? How are you doing in school ? Hopefully you have furfilled your dreams and became the Belgian champion of aerobics.

Love from Utopia, your brother.

P.S – Find the puzzel in my room. Solve the darkness – the oldest game in the world. Come here and find me…


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1081 Reviews


Points: 220
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Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:01 pm
Virgil wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here for a review!

So the title of this piece is "Letter from Utopia" and I have a couple of things to comment on that. For starters, I think that the title would work better if you happened to change it to "A Letter From Utopia" because it sounds nicer. The other thing that I wanted to touch on before I jumped into the review is that the title suggests that this is a letter, but the work isn't actually formed like one, which is something that confused me. It may just be the title but it does seem to be a little misleading in this sense.

Other than that, let's jump right into more of the content. The first paragraph that you have here is quite daunting due to it being such a large block of text. I'm going to suggest you cut down on it and break it up into multiple paragraphs because it's hard on the eyes at this point and really clogs up the flow of the piece. Something else that I wanted to touch on were the amount of grammar errors that run throughout the piece and I don't really like to point them all out, so I'm just going to suggest to use a grammar checker and proofread after that because grammar checkers often don't catch everything.

There's a part of this in a different language that I suggest you put in italics because it is that way and to make it different from the other lines in the piece. We see that this letter is addressed to the brother of the main character at the end of the letter and I'm wondering where they are in relations to the main character. It seems that they haven't really left the home they were both in and the ending is something interesting with the puzzle though it seems a little odd to leave it in a "P.S".

I hope I helped and have a great day!




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53 Reviews


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Wed Jan 25, 2017 3:56 pm
jumpingsheep wrote a review...



Hello! jumpingsheep here for a review.

I agree with david that this was a very cute idea. I liked the idea of this brother writing home to tell his sibling about Utopia.

A few suggestions:

1) I would break the first paragraph up into a few smaller paragraphs in order to make it more readable. Right now, all of the words jumble together a little when they're packed into a paragraph that big.
2) The sentence "Gebouwd op de..." doesn't seem to be translated yet.

I liked how at the end it is hinted that there is something more to this utopia and I hope we find out what that is.
I also enjoyed the world-building that you did for this utopian world. The monkey-police bit was very intriguing.

Keep up the good work! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!




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Points: 147
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Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:56 pm
davidgma says...



this was really cute.





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