Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.
NOISES AT NIGHT
A sudden cackle of a child,
A sudden call of a drowsy pegion
The night watchman whistling away
Throughout the night;
The night,which is asleep
The night,which is noisy too
Sometimes ghastly
Sometimes just so irritatingly sleepless
So what keeps the night awake
What keeps it asleep
What makes a night be called a night
And not a day?
Is it only the light?
Which submerges the dark after the moon wanes.......
A mystery-
That is the night
The night,that kids are taught,is meant for sleep
and sweet dreams.............
Dreams of big gardens,toys
And boxes full of chocolates-
Nights mean bedtime stories
Nights mean bliss
And nights also mean stress
One wakes up
To the noises of the honking bike
The night wakes up with her
And for one, has been given pills
That do not help one sleep-
It is the night which keeps her company
Night before the exams
The night before the wedding-
Nights full of expectations-
When do they get fulfilled,one knows not,
But the night keeps them awake
With eyes either closed,or open.
A night is make-believe,
It is just an illusion
An excuse to rest-
Rest from a whole life laden with work
Night is momentary,evanescent,fleeting,a
Disguised break from
The eternal DAY
the day when there's work,only work
Business,frenzy,routine,schedule-
no time......
No time for some idle chat,or
Revival of old times.
Night is the noisy void-
The empty space
When sweet dreams and eerie ones
Dampen the eyelashes
When near ones communicate
Through touch,through snores,
Through snatching away the blanket,while in sleep
At night,one is young and childish
Who grows up again,to the day
Again,yet again,to the sway,of
Meaningless, heartless pursuits
Night means the clock ticking away,
as one watches wide-eyed-watches and waits
Waits for the day
When it is time to grow up again.
In the meanwhile
The oscillating night-guard,the
The sudden cackle of a baby,the
Fluttering wings of a drowsy pigeon-
Keep her company;
Keep her awake.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Great poem shikhandin!!
Your imagery and word choice was astounding!!! The poem flowed together perfectly and the sounds that you hear at night are just what you described.
I only have a few things to critique.
The poem is one giant run on, you capitalized the first letter in every line which is not necessary to do
Also the narrator does a lot of repetition
There is only one hyphen when it needs to be two hyphens or an M-dash
I do not like the wording in the phrase It seems weird when you say it out loud.
Overall great poem and I would love to red more from you in the future.
~midnightstars
wow! that was refreshing!thanks a lot for the review.i promise to focus on your corrections as best as i can.
Hey shik!
Oh my goodness, this was beautiful. I love it so much! Your descriptions and imagery here were spot on.
A few things though:
This poem is one gigantic run-on for the most part. I won't in this review, but if you wish, I could go over this poem with you at a later time and suggest where you need periods. Just let me know.
Secondly
An ellipse is three dots. Anymore than that is obnoxious and distracting.
I'd also like to bring up how each line is capitalized. I don't feel like that's doing any favors for you poem. If anything, it makes it choppy. I suggest you capitalize with sentences or perhaps even do away with capitalization. I really think that the tone of this poem could handle being completely lowercase. If you're not sure what you want, I think you should check out this article about capitalization in poetry.
What I really think this poem needs though is some stanzas. You've got different ideas throughout the poem that are kind of subtle, and to properly understand them as a reader, I think it would be much easier if they were separated, so we could see think about each idea separately.
Honestly, I don't really want to touch your wording or your concept because I think it's truly beautiful. I think this poem is easy to relate for everyone.
If you have any questions, shoot me a PM, catch me on the chat bar, or hit me up on my wall.
Let me know when you post another poem,
Megs~
that insight on the the number of dots was wonderful.i didnt know that.thanks for correcting.really nice of u.
Hello, love.
Aurora here for a quick review!
Alright, to business.
A sudden call of a drowsy pegion
First, it should be pigeon. Second, I think you should change your article at the beginning of the line from 'a' to 'the'. Simply because it flows better, although, you definitely don't have to do this.
The night,which is asleep
The night,which is noisy too
The night, which is asleep
The night, which is noisy too
I know you've got this phrasing going on, but I think simplifying the above two lines into one line would help your poem.
What makes a night be called a night
Why is the night called the night
Is a better way to say the above line. The first way that you said it sounds odd and throws off the mood, somehow. Maybe because of the 'be'.
Nights mean bliss
And nights also mean stress
Nights mean bliss
But nights also mean stress
Again, sounds better. Up to you, though.
You also leave off spaces after your commas. You need a space after them. But if that was on purpose, sorry.
The rest of the poem.. I couldn't find any fault with. I like the last line. This is almost like a spoken lullaby. In the best way possible. I'm not saying this put me to sleep because it was boring or anything. But the repetitive words and soft mood make it very... lilting.
Keep writing, love
Aurora