Published August 31, 2011
Darkness closed in all around
With loneliness so profound,
All the lights and colors disappear
As the eyes turn into a sea of tears.
I hold back tears with all my might
Yet they gush out all through the night,
As the droplets form a cascade of their own,
Bitter truth whispers "you're all alone."
There's a long way to go
On a meandering road filled with snow,
A part of me still lies there
And God knows it not fair.
When it comes to life, there is nothing you can say,
For wounds will fade away
But the scars are here to stay.
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Canary word: Present
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140,936 Literary Works • 673,761 Reviews
Hey Shikha! xD
First off, it's a very nice poem you've got here ^^
Second off, there are 3 or 4 lines where you must have put it first instead of second.
Here is you're poem in 3 lines:
The starting's pretty good. No problems and I definitely liked the part where you have described about loneliness =)
Here is where you have to rearrange the sentences & changes.
Let it be:
I try to hold back tears with all my might
But the eyes turn into a sea of tears
And they gush out all through the night.
As you can see, you're trying to rhyme some parts and not other parts.
My love, it's either fully rhymed poem or not fully rhymed poem.
It's such a disturbance, you see. I know most it are but some of them are not.
Think it this way.
Suppose you're best friend invited her friends and not you, how would you feel?
It's the same way about poem.
They're just not words. They're more than that
Try to avoid next time, okay? x]
You know. I know you're trying to develop you're writing by giving in good words which are not quite we use every time.
I tried to read this line many times but I found that 'cascade' isn't right.
As the droplets form a cascade of their own,
Maybe you should use:
As the droplets tumble down on their own,
Cascade can't be used there because it's not really appropriate. The change would be a lot better ^^
From On a meandering road filled with snow,
A part of me still lies there
Doesn't make any sense. What, where and how does that part of you lie there? I'm confused.
Even the 'there' and 'fair' doesn't rhyme so much but anyway, it's fine ^.^
Amazing stanza! I loved it
Keep it up.
Another thing is that make you're poem even. It's much easier to explain. =)
Overall, good meaning and a powerful poem xDD
Would give this a 8/10.
PM me when you have submitted new poems! ;P
Keep Writing!
Regards,
Cookie or LM
I love your poem! I can truly relate on it
especially on your ending line 
I won't criticize your work anymore since I already find it good. Keep writing! xD
Hey, nice poem here, at the end of the third line, the word disappear should have an s at the end. This would not only add to the rhyme, as the next line also ends with a "s", it would also be better English. In line six, "yet they gush out all through the night", through sort of breaks the rhyme, dropping it would sound much better, instead you should add a still after yet. That's about all I can see wrong with your poem. Hope this helps!