Where the sidewalk ends
And you're all alone
When the world is against you
And you have no place to go
When the cards are fold, when the day is dark
When all the voices tell you to stop
Remind yourself of that promise, promised before you were born
That you will be mighty and fearless of storm
Then look up to moon, to the stars and the sky
They know you're afraid
Afraid to go on
But they don't know that
You've already won
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138,068 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Let us be honest, the title Where the Sidewalk Ends is basically stolen from Shel. Not only was that poem not very impressive you made it ten times worse by not making any sense.
At the end of the sidewalk the one place you could go is back where you came from.
has nothing to do with the end of the world or sidewalk.
And complete random intuition, just a throw whatever you can think of at this point in the poem.
to continue;
you pointed out previously that there is no place to go not that you were afraid of going to said place.
your conclusion is utterly random, reaching this end of the sidewalk is somehow winning. if this is a hidden message it is impossible to find, I guess this is so the writer cites how artsy it is. Overly ambiguous writing is cliché in itself.
In the end, the sidewalk ending is sort of relevant to a life ending, which is what most would grab from this over ambiguous writing, in which case it has been done about a million times.
My tip; we need something more original.
Hey! So I really loved your poem, It was amazing and I really got into it. I feel like especially when you're a teenager, you start to think that the "World is against you" and everything bad just HAS to happen to you. I love that your poem says to remember to keep going, and I believe that if more people told themselves that then they would be able to look at everyday as a fresh start.
Also, I liked that you managed to make it rhyme all the way through and still sound wonderful and make sense. Another thing is that the beginning of your poem is dark and somber, and the rest of your poem lifts the reader up and becomes happier and more hopeful. The whole poem flowed beautifully, though you might want to add some punctuation whether they are commas or periods to make it a little easier to read. But still, wonderful work!
Good job!
Hey! I love the poem and you really seem to be an amazing writer but I feel the need to point out that 'Where the Sidewalk Ends' is the name of a book and poem by Shel Silverstein. Just change it up a bit it all I would suggest.
Yeah I second this. Also,
this line is very similar to the first few lines of Demons by Imagine Dragons, which goes, "When the days are cold and the cards all fold". "Change it up a bit" seems to be a good suggestion. Great poem, though.
Yeah I second this. Also,
this line is very similar to the first few lines of Demons by Imagine Dragons, which goes, "When the days are cold and the cards all fold". "Change it up a bit" seems to be a good suggestion. Great poem, though.
Ah, sorry for the double post.
Heya, Chrissy here for a review!
This is beautiful. It's perfect. You're choice of words is amazing, and the same with the flow. And the same with the topic you chose. Everything about your poem is amazing!
One problem, and it really small. It will take about three minutes to fix, tops. You have no punctuation. Almost none, anyways. You have a couple commas in there, but they're few and far between.
See? It isn't hard. Oh, one more thing for this part. Instead of staying "stop" maybe you should try fold. I thought it might fit in better.
My favorite part in here in is undoubtedly the part "the promise before you were born". It's incredible.
You have this rhythm going the entire time, and you keep it till the end. I can usually get it for the very beginning, but it is sooo hard to keep it going for the entire thing. And your images are strong. You put very vivid pictures in your head.
Keep writing!
Welcome to Yws , Kat here to do a quick review for you !
So, I really liked this . It did make me feel better , seeing as I have a lot ahead of me . Thigh , there were some slight grammatical mistakes and disruptions of flow that took away from the beauty of your poem so just watch out for that . It really is a sad , yet uplifting POEM with some nice imagery . Just make sure you re-read ( sometimes even out loud) .
Keep on being awesome !
~Kat
Hey Speaker, just saying that you put "uplifting porn" when I think you meant "uplifting poem".
>< ughhhh I HATE IPHONES IM SOOOO SORRY IT WAS A TYPO ! I did mean poem ...