You wonder why i am like this,
Why i hide away my smiles,
Why i hide away my tears,
Why i don't trust you,
Why i despise you,
Why i think so little of you,
Why i ignore you,
You turn to me and ask with a sarcastic evil smile that will never make you feel good inside :
" Why can't we be friends? why can't you just tell me where you hang?......"
" Where you spend your WONDERFUL weekends?...."
" Where you meet your friends?..."
You turn to your friends,
You whisper ,
You laugh,
You ignore the daggers coming out of my eyes,
For this i will never forgive you,
For stabbing me in the back,
When you know i can't even walk,
When you know i can't even breathe,
Because i lost life,
I lost hope,
I lost my parents,
I can't hang,
I can't laugh,
Orphans have no right to.....
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Great poem!
I know everyone is pointing this out but I think you meant to say "despise" not "despite".
It's really cool how you are able to portray the emotion in this.It's so strong it almost makes me want to cry. I think you did a great job.
Great! There's a lot of emotion in this poem. I like it! Keep writing, it's really good. You might want to change "despite" to "despise"
It's great though!
The grammar here is all wrong. Please go through it and revise!
I think that hang is not the appropriate word here. Try to find a synonym using a thesaurus.
This is an interesting poem. I kind of like it, actually.
Good job.
Keep writing,
Alzora
I really like your raw emotion in this poem. I especially love how you emphasize certain feelings by repeating a few base words, yet change the meaning, know what I mean? Although I like this, if I were you, I'd still be careful with a topic like this. Yes, it's heart-wrentching, but like Shaken said, this is a hard subject for some people to grasp. Not everybody knows the hardships of an orphan. Though you do grasp the emotions in this very well.
Very strong emotion coming out in this piece. I can almost see tears, feel the loneliness, touch the rage behind your words. And your structure separates the feelings well. You have alot of passion in your writing, which I love, because half the battle in writing anything is figuring out how to accurately portray what you are feeling and giving it to an audience with the hope that will see what you were trying to put across. This is crucial especially when you are writing about a topic others may not have experience with, such as going through life as an orphan. Well done.