An Echo Of A Scream

This was good. The idea it puts into my head makes me stop and think for a minute about life. But there are some points that I didn't like so much, the first being that you use the words dream and scream 9 and 8 times respectively. Most of those times, they are ending a line, which means, while the poem rhymes, it's not because you are using clever language. This is always a turn off point.

"All is left is the ashes,

And a memory of a dream,

An echo of a dying scream."

This is a great way to end the poem, very provoking and moving, but because you use dream and scream so much, the "BANG!" is taken away. It needs some work, but all around it's a good poem.

Thank you sherineahmed!

Hey there! I love this poem, so I thought I'd leave a review. Is a nice and unique. Despite some minor grammatical mistakes. So, let's get down to it! I love the rhythm of this poem, is steady, consistent and makes it very much enjoyable for me to read. The rhyme here is a bit inconsistent but I still love it, is great!

[quoteor is it our impossible dreams,

is it my fault i was born a dreamer,[/quote]

I think you could benefit a stanza break here.

I

laud and deafening screams,

i scream and scream yet dreams are still dreams,

wisps of smoke from a fire ,

Hey.

I really like the ideas behind this work.

I am going to give a line by line analysis. Here we go...


when we were kids we used to dream, - this works wonderfully as an opening line because it sets the theme and tone of the work. Good. Throughout the work you don't use capitalisation, I'm not sure why you've made this decision, however, since it is consistent, I won't question it.

so why did we lose those dreams, - punctuation here should be a question mark I think, although this is a rhetorical question, it looks better for the reader if you can see the question state more clearly.

is it this cruel world that leads us to scream, - again, the same thing with the questions. But as for content, you make a wonderful point about the world here. Well done.

an ugly frustrated scream, - oooooooh, good imagery of a screaming person here.

or is it our impossible dreams, - this line makes me feel sad at the realisation our dreams may not achievable, playing on the pipe dream is quite believable though.

is it my fault i was born a dreamer, - whether or not you use capitalisation, to be grammatically correct, it should be 'I'. All the time.

or is it my fault that once i started - Nooooooooo! Don't blame yourself. XD LOL

i insisted to scream, - You build a lot of empathy from the reader.

laud and deafening screams, - 'loud' I think? If laud is a weird, I am stupid, ignore me. XD

to try to touch my dream, - this idea of dreams being intangible is very clever. *is impressed*

to close my eyes and see sunshine, - clever line. Me likey.

to block the grays and blacks, - 'greys' Although, there is debate about the spelling I think.

or is it this world vast and wide, - I like way you have played with the syntax here, it creates a good effect

that has no place for dreams, - this again is very miserable, but also quite true.

i scream and scream yet dreams are still dreams, - awwww. I kind of feel like crying, or writing about how upset I am, this is really dark.

wisps of smoke from a fire , - again, good use of imagery

dying inside me until there are no dreams, - *cries*

i don't even know how much longer i could keep on breathing, - Death seems a little bit extreme.

my voice is gone like my fire, - extinguished voice. VERY GOOD idea. ♥

no dreams, no screams, - rhyming works well.

all is left is the ashes, - alliteration of the 'a' works brilliantly here

and a memory of a dream, - build up to a very climactic ending

an echo of a dying scream. - the rhyme again, is perfect here.

Great job.

If this were in an exam I would give you A*.

Fantastic work.

Keep writing.

~BSF