Published November 10, 2008
ok this is my first time writting a poem and so i have 0 experience, so im gonna need lots of critism.
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The drugs the money, the pain the suffering
Not broken, just damaged
The hurt the sacrifice, the joy the tears
Not broken, just damaged
These unfading scars of my past
Slowly unravel
Not broken, just damaged
Take my hand and lead me to a new life
Not broken, just damaged
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141,613 Literary Works • 675,159 Reviews
The drugs, the money, the pain, the suffering
Not broken, just damaged
The hurt, the sacrifice, the joy, the tears
Not broken, just damaged
These unfading scars of my past
Slowly unravel
Not broken, just damaged
Take my hand and lead me to a new life
Not broken, just damaged
I just added some commas in red =]
The repetition of "not broken, just damaged" isn't bad, but I think you overuse it. It's a great line, so you should use it less often so it has more effect, to make it more dramatic.
This poem is nice, I like the way you show a tragic life but then add in a spark of hope at the end, it's very effective.
I like. Simple, clean and meaningful.
Loved this one. nice work for your first poem. Keep up the good work!