Hey! Manilla here for a review.
At first glance I see an intimidating, hunky villain that might grab the attention of the narrator. The setting, a "shadowy night" adds to this. In first glance, I might think that I was reading a romance novel. Yet "dead irises" really gets to me, and it's a good phrase you used for the darkness and anger you long to portray. Yet for me, that sentence is one of the only denotations of that. Would be possible to add action and more body language? Body language is one of the most powerful tools, going beyond simple physique, which is the main grabbing point in this paragraph, especially because in the first sentence you mention it.
So my suggestion to you for anger is to try a facial expression, to be less elusive with the topic and to take it head-on. The more direct you can be, the more accurate of a picture forms in the reader's head.
I hope I could help!
-Manilla out
Points: 314
Reviews: 114
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