Young Writers Society

The rhythm of this poem is wonderful, but please put periods somewhere in here. (Example places: after "crying," "last," a semicolon after "me," "away," "sanity."
It works better to omit the comma after "shared" and "sorrow."
"Nor it healed the pain" should be switched with "Nor did they heal the pain" because of agreement.
"I walked a...sorrow" is confusing. If you add an "of" after "amassment" and omit the comma after "back," it works better.
I like this, and many of the editing marks are with the punctuation instead of the poem itself-- always a good sign! Remember to punctuate poems like you would a sentence.
Also, my favorite line is "a dazzling tree of shards." It's beautiful.

Hey Sharoze,

I don't normally like rhyming poetry, but your rhymes are so softly and carefully laid that I didn't mind them. I also don't normally like when writers center their poems, but your piece is so pretty and beautiful, it could be a shape poem, almost like a candle. Lastly, one thing I cannot stand: when the title of a poem is in all caps. *sighs* Mr. Sharoze, don't change a word of your title. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and work in crafting this piece. <3<3<3

I love the idea for this poem, there is a sense of a allegory being told which made it feel grand and dramatic, so that experience was really fun to read. The rhythm here is really tight and I can appreciate that. The only thing that I would comment and suggest is to try to avoid the vague words, there are a lot of lofty words in here with the reminiscing ashes, teardrops of sorrow, it becomes too cliche and hard to take seriously from that point. I love the concept of becoming a mirror, but I wonder if the poem is about the mirror, then perhaps it might be better to show an image instead and describe what the sin was that made the speaker recoil? Show us the pain rather than tell us the pain. Show us the death of the living being, rather than allude to it.

I hope this helps.

~ as always, Audy

Hello @sharoze! This is @Sylar here for my first review of March review day! I was quite intrigued by the title of your poem, especially it being in all caps, and I'm glad I decided to read it! As a whole, I thought it was a really beautiful and interesting poem and I really enjoyed reading it. I think your language helps the reader feel your emotion. Still, there were a few small things I was confused about.

A few changed too,

Until the very last,
And there I was,

Dripping into a glass
Until the night it ended
And I drank it all away
Neither of the endeavors
Took any memories away
Nor it healed the pain
Oust beyond sanity
I walked a barren ground
Amassment on my back, of
Memories, pain and sorrow
And the sins I’ll do tomorrow
All it was for none
Villainy fate was done
Once again it had won

And killed a living being..

Wow! This poem is so sad! Like I feel the sadness within me. The poem is really good. I enjoy reading it so much. I like the first three lines in the poem:

"The day I became a mirror,
Some ran away screaming,
Some fell, shattered, crying,"


Its like they are scared of what the person looks like. Which is really depressing because they only see the beauty from the outside. In the end, the persona just accepted it. Everything is so depressing, like I want to cry. Good job with the poem though