Published September 9, 2007
You can take the pieces of my heart
(Dont give them back)
You put it back together in one piece
(If you want)
And when you're done re-paint it black
(So the numb wont fade away)
I dont wan't it back!
(Even if you're done fixing it.)
(I dont need it back!)
I'm fine without it.
Theres a replacement in the sack( where the old one use to sit.)
(I dont wan't it back!)
Dont worry it still beats for me.
Keep it safe.
(So he wont steal my heart again...)
The one inside of me it's plastic
(it's fake!)
The one that you keep
It's real! It Beats!)
Dont let him get it back
Cause he's cheater/heart breaker
If it get's into his hands
I'll be dead the heart get's out of beat.
(I dont need it back!)
I'm fine without it.
Theres a replacement in the sack( where the old one use to sit.)
(I dont wan't it back!)
Dont worry it still beats for me.
Keep it safe.
(So he wont steal my heart again...)
(I dont want it back)
(I dont need it back)
Kidnap my heart don't give it back
You're a gent it's safe with you
(Just dont let get into his dirty hands)
(I dont need it back!)
I'm fine without it.
Theres a replacement in the sack( where the old one use to sit.)
(I dont wan't it back!)
Dont worry it still beats for me.
Keep it safe.
(So he wont steal my heart again...)
Please keep it safe.
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141,438 Literary Works • 674,416 Reviews
Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*gets Japanees samurai sword*
Wow! I loved it! Just read it through and fix all the grammar mistakes, and it will be awesome.
~JFW1415
wow, this is great.
no major mistakes, except you spelt "want" as "wan't".
i think the background voice was a great addition to the song.
and i think you need to improve on the ryhme scheme. it's kind of vague.
anyway, good work!
I love the concept of this. However, there are a few things necessary to point out...
is there a rhyme scheme to this? I can see some vaguely but it seems to go in and out of it. You may want to stick to one particular form instead of jumping around so much.
also, the verses seem to vary in main voice and (background voice). You may want to put a set amount just to even it out and again, add to the rhyme scheme.
other than that, I love how you worded this, and the background voice is a really good addition. Keep it going
Wow. You totally captivated me with that. I can't see many mistakes. It was well done and a real treat.