Published July 26, 2007
so we finally get what we deserve
finally get every-thing
cross it out from the gift list
all the kids get The toys that they wanted
parents all so happy
all those special cookies
misatoe and more
well too bad we wont receive them because by x-mas we'll all be dead
why do we wait til x- mas
because by x-mas we'll be dead
crash in to a fence or two
lose control so fast
and all the Rich fags
will get wart you wanted again
why wait til x-mas
by then we'll be dead
so put R.I.P
on to the list because by x-mas we'll all be dead
why even waste your time
shopping til you drop
using up all that money to get what your children want
forget about not being naughty
because Santa doesn't ever check that list
he's probably getting drunk right now
and falling down the stairs
so much for Jolly old saint nick
because he's going on crack again
why do we wait til x- mas
because by x-mas we'll be dead
crash in to a fence or two
lose control so fast
and all the Rich fags
will get What you wanted again
why wait til x-mas
by then we'll be dead
so put R.I.P
on to the list because by x-mas we'll all be dead
so you make a wish
(make a wish)
and hope it does come true
but when it does
your soul will be a ghost
and we'll come to haunt you
we'll take you with us fast
and show all those rich fags
and steal all their cash
why do we wait til x- mas
because by x-mas we'll be dead
crash in to a fence or two
lose control so fast
and all the Rich fags
will get What you wanted again
why wait til x-mas
by then we'll be dead
so put R.I.P
on to the list because by x-mas we'll all be dead
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
It was nice but it was a bit distracting because of the grammatic errors.
watch your spelling and grammar but for the most part it was pretty good
Dont post things you rushed through. It shows a rather large lack of caring for your work, we're not going to do it for you. We offer help and advice but it helps to look as though you tried to do an amazing job.
As well, it appears you have neglected to read the rules of posting your work. I checked your posts and you were supposed to critique/review at least 2 other pieces before posting your own work.
I would have to agree wtih Whence and Ennui - the concept of your poem is so obscured and hidden by the poor presentation that the reader gets distracted before he or she even reaches the conclusion.
... if you had time to come back and inform Ennui that you were in a rush, I wonder why you lacked time to go back through your piece and revise it to reflect a proper command of the language?
DD
[s]wat[/s]. What. WHat.
That's just one word. It's "to" not "2" and 'cause or 'because' not "cuz".
Show some semblance of professionalism. If you don't care about your piece, why should anyone else?
sorry i was in a rush
Try using spellcheck cuz this is irri-tating.