feeling quiet unpoetic as profanity escapes me
i.m doing things right
surrendered to plain sight
approval clings to me like an awkward stench
taunted by a woman in red who lives within the hollowing gapes
of a socially approved soul.
She is my mistress.
betrayed by my hate and disease riddled fate
prosperous hooks cut fleshy cheeks as i bite down on moss tinted bate
it is the poets obligatory duty
to chew and gnaw on lifeless beauty
allowing decayed elements to form soars on healthy organs
so that we may regurgitate butterfly's from retched cocoons
and splash vibrant color on nude tinted rooms.
so that i may use my pungent body odor
to mask the repulsive fanatical scent
of floral based perfumes.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hello, Godly here for a review!
Wow, this is a really well written poem! You use well placed sophisticated vocabulary that really draws me in as a reader alongside imaginative imagery that creates a picture that is clear and easy to follow. I love the use of similes throughout as they enhance the poetry as a whole. A particular one I liked was approval clings to me like an awkward stench. I really liked this one as you use a more positive word like approval and then describe it with the negative phrase of awkward stench. This contradiction shows how you are not entirely comfortable with actually doing what you are doing as if you have been forced to do something that you are good at. This theme continues later in the poem as well. The idea of using negatives for positives. This creates a pessimistic narration in your piece thus showing how the narrator is reluctant to be where he is or do what he is doing. I like this theme for a poem as it makes the reader consider their own life based on the message of the story. Are they being forced to do something that they do well? In fact just because we are good at something, do we truly enjoy it? That is my interpretation of the piece, so take it as you will. I will look forward to seeing another great piece of work from you in the future. Keep writing!
All the best,
Godly
Wow...why is this so nice? It's true what you've written here, my favorite is "to chew and gnaw on lifeless beauty", I have to admit, it holds so true, writers can make things appear so beautiful and full of life,
It's perfectly written. And in the second line there's a punctuation error, it's "i.m" not "i'm".... if you haven't noticed yet. And I think that you could break the fifth line into two, and then add the other half with the sixth, so it's easier for the reader to understand and grasp. I had to read it twice...so...
Annnndddd the last three lines, I think should go the other way round. It's your poem, you may have it as you want, I was just saying.