A dark cloud eclipses my heart
The turmoil and pain, a warm sea
I cannot find the sun.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Pretty short...i assume you were going for effect. it definatly does give an effect being so short but i think you should wait until more comes to you and add it onto this because just as a reader its easy to overlook because its only 3 lines.
just a though
oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, it was just so short and I don't really know tha layout for a haiku, and it just looked like one..
I don't know about you, but I sure think that could pass off as a haiku!
My apoligies,
~~:Brooke:~~
Short, but sweet. I like it.
Thanks. It's not a haiku though, but that's okay.
I've never been much of a hiku [or however you spell it] fan, but I liked this one. I know this isn't much of a critique as it is more of a congradulations, hiaku's are hard to write [and have them be good] bravo!
-Brooke