Stormy Somedays

by shadepelt

Published August 10, 2011

Someday I will run
to where the thunderstorms
go, when all is said and done.
Someday I will find
the land where I can walk
and the wind will brush
by my ears with a secret
message about the thunder lords and ladies.
They are coming,
she will whisper,
then giggle
and dart off to find the next
solitary traveler, spreading her news.

The clouds, like snow leopard scouts,
will raise their fearsome heads
and grin, light flashing
across their teeth in starbursts.
The trees begin to quake,
and water rages against the rocks.
I open my arms,
and the leopards roar.

I will dance and you will dance and everyone
will dance with the trees
as the rain scours the troubles
from our skin
as well as any baby’s bubble-bath.
It is acceptable, no,
expected, to scream and roar the chorus
to our song
while any inhibitions
are drowning in the valley.
There will be no
don’t get mud on your dress
or put your shoes back on, no mothers
calling you indoors or fathers
glaring at the puddles you track in.

Someday, when the wind
blows and whispers in my ear,
I am going to listen.
I will take off my shoes,
pull off my tights,
and race the thunderclouds
to where they go,
the lush green place they call home.
I will have found a land where children
play tag in the rain
and lovers kiss
under the broadleaf trees, soaked.
Where no one tells you to head inside
saying, girl, you’ll catch your death!
Where you’re allowed to stop
and sniff the roses,
more pungent than ever after a downpour.

When I locate the thunderstorms,
if you so desire,
I’ll send a message with the wind
so you can find me
and we can play tag in the rain.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
shadepelt
Comment
shadepelt commented Comment · Aug 11, 2011

I just want to thank you all so much. It's great to hear what you have to say, both positive and negative, and Demoness, I'll look into that order. Thank you!

User avatar
Demoness
Review
Demoness wrote a review Review · Aug 10, 2011

This is just lovely! This poem is so vivid, and lively and imaginative and.. oh, just great! You use such great descriptive words and I just wanted to be there with them and dance in the wild storm (Even though I scared to death by thunder and lightning) SO great accomplishment there! If to say something I'll complain on what seems to be my favorite topic; The structure. Personally I think it gives a better overall impression if stanzas and lines follow a certain pattern and it also helps the flow. You're stanzas differ in size and your lines in length so, if i were you, I'd try adjusting these things :D
Overall though; Brilliant, Amazing! You get 5/5 icky spiders, but one only got seven legs, order is required to earn that one ;)

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

YouWishYouHadThis commented Comment · Aug 10, 2011

love it :P

Random avatar
lele253isme
Review
lele253isme wrote a review Review · Aug 10, 2011

this poem is epic!! Seriously the imagery was so spot on for the mood you set with the stanzas!! And plus I read this poem seems to be made for me because I love to do anything outside where your senses are heightened!! I loved reading your poem, I really loved this part:

Someday, when the wind
blows and whispers in my ear,
I am going to listen.
I will take off my shoes,
pull off my tights,
and race the thunderclouds
to where they go,
the lush green place they call home.


I could see no problems, your grammar and capitalization and punctuation were spot on!! Keep writing!!



Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything's different?
— C.S. Lewis